Comment on Anon questions the epidemic

• frostedtrailblazer@lemmy.zip ⁨9⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  because you think it’s the 1950s, your advice is boomer level ‘go to a their office and shake their hand and you will get a job’.

  Some things change, some things remain the same. In person interactions haven’t changed that much.

  Also, my advice was tailored specific to the person I was talking to. He said he did hiking, my advice went off the fact he has no problem going out in public places already as a hobby. That’s huge compared to many people online that will say they go out, but really just go to work, the gym, do grocery pick-up, and go home and get surprised when they don’t meet women when their day to day doesn’t even put them near anyone.

  No, that’s not how anything works in 2020s. They will call the cops on you and ask you to leave.

  Making eye contact with someone in the grocery store will get the cops called on you? That’s not gonna happen in a hiking group like in the example I first gave. Really though, no one is calling the cops on you for making eye contact. Staring at people? Yeah that’s weird. But mutual eye contact isn’t staring.

  Women are much more friendly than you’re giving them credit for here. If you’re anxious or nervous around a woman, and she personally struggles with anxiety or nervousness then you will trigger that in her. I know this because I was anxious and nervous since about not coming across as weird, which just made the woman I interacted with uncomfortable since I was not comfortable around them. It clicked for me that I was the problem when I encountered a few women that didn’t have those anxiety issues but I still did.

  So if you can work on your anxiety revolving around being around women, then that makes it significantly easier to interact with them. To need to know that you have good intentions and trust that they will see that, because the ones you would want to know will see that.

  My advice would be to give up and enjoy life because dating and mating is systematically fucked due to social media addiction. And the numbers around it mean you have a < 10% chance of someone who isn’t social media brain-fucked, and all the stats on the issue are insane and unreasonable and that’s why everyone is so unhappy.

  I would venture to say the amount of people that are not terminally on/affect by social media is significantly higher than 10% of people. I would put that number closer to 40%. Depending on the area you live it could be higher or lower, time of day depending as well. If you genuinely go walking around your local town you’ll notice a lot of people that are not just holed up all day absorbing the rot of social media that seeks to prey on our emotions.

  Not my job to fix anyone else

  It’s not. But is it your job to shoot down actionable advice without offering an alternative then? Let them try and fail or succeed.

  nor my job to work like a dog to ‘appeal’ to people who expect the ‘average’ guy to by over 6’ and make 2x median wage

  Height and wages do not matter when it comes to finding your ideal partner. Would you want to be with someone that thinks less of you for your height or how much you make? You probably wouldn’t, therefore those kinds of people were never a good match for you and they did you a service by filtering themselves out of your dating pool.

  You don’t need to be a certain height or making a certain amount of money to be attractive to your ideal matches. Your ideal matches would like you at your height whatever it is and for whatever you make. That might not be a ton of people, but if it’s even 1% of the population that could be an ideal match, then that’s could be as many as 100 people in a town of 10,000. So, you just need to encounter just one of these 100 people near you. The real odds may be much higher than 1% as well, maybe 5-10% of the local population could be a great match for instance. Therefore, your best bet is to be out in a space where you could encounter one of these ideal matches.

  Let them be miserable. I’d rather be alone and invest in myself and be happy, which I have been doing for 8 years and it’s fucking awesome. Image spending your money on shit you enjoy rather than spending it on dating where it goes down a blackhole of someone else’s insatiable greed and self-imposed misery?

  Who’s to say they’ll be miserable? They could find an ideal match and live their happily ever after. That’s great that you are happy as you are, but not everyone would want to follow the same path as you. I think more guys should put themselves in a space to be their best selves when they are dating, as their struggles will not be automatically fixed just by being in a relationship.

  Why would a guy not be enjoying himself while on a date? That doesn’t sound like a waste of money to me. Maybe if it’s a date where there’s no connection, but at that point you’re just paying for the nice meal that you had.

  You can choose to date people with tempered wants. I don’t think there’s an inherent issue with dreaming for better, so long as neither of you are constantly dipping into debt to have a lifestyle that’s unaffordable. I’m not sure where self-imposed misery is coming from here, unless you mean that the other person has not been worked through issues of their own. I think most wants are normal; both men and women can succumb to greed though as with any vice if not tempered.

  But you can’t convince horny young dudes that getting laid will solve all their problems, and more than you can convince single women that a rich handsome guy will solve all theirs. They have to make the choice themselves to be happy now rather than endlessly daydreaming about some ideal future that won’t ever come.

  Treating people as a means to an end, rather than an end in and of themselves is something that tempered souls will avoid. Happiness is something that isn’t entirely dependent on others, but can be amplified by them. Rather than daydreaming, people should be working on themselves to be in a space that gives others room to enter.

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