Comment on The System does not work.

• Tollana1234567@lemmy.today ⁨18⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  its quite common than you think. i think it matters of your relationship with your parents, a dysfunctional likely wont result in your situation, or some of them wont find a job, or refuse to do chores or pay the bills,(mostly due to parents poor decisions in thier children upbringing.)

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• UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

  It prevented me from affording to go to college and focusing on my own needs.

  I mean, was the ability to live independently the problem? Or was your mom and sisters needing your attention and support what held you back?

  Because… obviously, you could have just left them in the lurch and gone your own way. I made similar choices when I came out of college - staying close to home so I could easily visit and help, as my own sister prepared for school and my mom entered retirement.

  Today, kids (including my sister’s kids) can’t do that now. Even worse, because of layoffs and poor decisions by their parents, all of them have to pool their money just so they have a house.

  I mean, that’s bad in so far as they’re caught in a tight economic spot. But being able to afford a house, even with the help of multiple generations, is significantly better than being homeless or stuck in a slum, because you’d been foreclosed on. Living together and minimizing expenses seems like a good thing for everyone involved. Atomizing into single-unit apartments would be far more expensive, even if its the sort of thing the American culture tells you to do.

  It’s really hard

  Inflation driving prices up. Wage stagnation dragging the working class down. It absolutely fucking sucks all around.

  But the statistic seems to focus on the people who have a family to stay with, while missing the people paying through the nose for a single-bedroom unit or live out of their cars or on a friend’s couch.

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  • asmoranomar@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

    I think you misunderstood. I’m saying it was optional in my case, and I was able to make it work somehow. In today’s environment, I don’t think any young adult would be able to do the same, as an option. Most are being forced into it or risk getting kicked to the street. And if I had no upward mobility due to circumstances of my own choosing, what about the ones that don’t get a choice?

    And keep in mind, I was talking about the bedroom being free. If we tangent towards actually contributing toward a household (‘rent’) then that’s a whole other issue entirely. Because that isn’t happening either.

    In the south there are people who believe that as soon as their kids are able to work (ie: not an adult) that they should start providing for themselves. And by that I mean, “You are responsible to work, but not with money. So give it to me.” It’s maddening, but that’s the normalization occurring here and everyone seems to be okay with that. This mindset is weaponized once the kid turns adult - “keep giving me all your money or get out.”

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    • UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

      In the south there are people who believe that as soon as their kids are able to work (ie: not an adult) that they should start providing for themselves. And by that I mean, “You are responsible to work, but not with money. So give it to me.” It’s maddening, but that’s the normalization occurring here and everyone seems to be okay with that. This mindset is weaponized once the kid turns adult - “keep giving me all your money or get out.”

      Sure. Parents becoming landlords and neatly negating any benefit from their children accruing savings or experiencing financial responsibility. And then the end result is kids leaving the house hand-to-mouth probably sooner than would have otherwise been wise, to get an overpriced apartment in a shitty part of town just because it means “freedom” from their awful elders.

      But that’s bad.

      Ideally, you stay at home and bank the balance of your salary and share meals with family rather than eating out and enjoy the efficiencies of shared utilities and car pooling and yadda-yadda-yadda. And then you help your parents when they’re getting too old to take care of the house on their own, which guarantees the place doesn’t fall apart before it’s sold or inherited. And you bank more of your earnings, rather than paying it all out to a landlord. And you see more of your siblings, before you all go your separate ways. And you have a genuinely good final few years as a family that you can use to model the family you hope to build with future loved ones in your own home.

      That’s good.

      I think another misunderstanding is the multigenerational aspect of American culture (especially in the south) in regards to this specific case.

      I mean, I grew up in a Texas suburb. And I dated around with people from a variety of economic backgrounds.

      So I’ve seen the full spectrum. From “If you’re old enough to work, you’re my tenant not my child” mentality, that pushes people out way too soon and sets them back a decade or more in terms of quality of life. To “I need you to help keep the lights on, so please get a job” situations, where people stayed at home because it was way cheaper than going four figures out of pocket to pretend to be independent. To the “here’s a trust fund, go buy yourself a house before you turn 30, just be back for Thanksgiving dinner”, that builds strong economic foundations and deep bonds between generations, but only because you had rich parents who could afford it.

      In my experience, young adults living a few extra years with their parents and building up a savings/retirement early on is generally good for them long term.

      Getting a job where you’re traveling all the time and living out of a suitcase in an apartment you barely recognize and going on Tinder dates (or straight up paying pros) because making money is more important than building relationships is generally awful.

      And then coming out of school to a family that wants you to GTFO immediately, because you’re queer or your politics are wrong or your parents are just libertarian psychos who think their kids are parasites, is the absolute worst.

      The multigenerational aspect takes lots of shapes. It doesn’t have to be parents exploiting their kids or kids exploiting their parents. It can be a happy time and make for a smoother transition to adulthood. I know cause I’ve seen it happen. And I’ve seen the alternatives when it doesn’t happen.

      Lots of kids fail to launch. They go off, they fuck up, they spend their 20s racking up huge debts just trying to pretend at independence, and then they end up right back at home again. Or worse, living out of a car or on someone else’s couch or trapped in a relationship with a person they can’t stand, because they couldn’t get out of the parents’ house fast enough.

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      • Tollana1234567@lemmy.today ⁨18⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

        most of the posts for “Failure to launch” is not leaving home for whatever reason(usually surrounding by a adult unwilling to work, barring mental illnesses, worst invite thier SO to live in the same house who also doesnt contribute). living in car, or a friends house is somewhat considered independant.

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      • asmoranomar@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

        I’m not disputing the economics of how it is beneficial when it works. I would also advocate for the same. I was mostly targeting the “free” part, because it just doesn’t happen anymore unless privilege falls into your lap. We can idolize all we want about how it should be, but reality isn’t so cut and dry. Most young adults are staying at home because there are no options, not because of a desire to transition into multigenerational roots, not because they “failed to launch”, and not for saving for upward momentum. These are kids and young adults who’ve had everything stolen from them and expected to do more than I have ever done.

        And not to sound overly confrontational, but giving these talking points to a young adult is a total slap in the face. It’s not that you are wrong, and it is good advice, but it’s that nobody is listening and addressing the root issues. And it’s only going to get worse as time goes on. It’s a bit, insensitive. And I’m sure you don’t intend it to be that way, but still…

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