This is gonna sound … ok … Here goes: I cannot sit. I got too fat and now my penis looks like a little acorn that points forward. If I sit to pee, it’ll splash directly out through the gap under the seat.

I really need to lose weight, if only so I can get my length back, and not have to tuck it down while cursing what I’ve allowed to happen with my body.

Oh wait. Yeah. I just tuck it down. Then sitting is fine.

Please disregard the above message.