FireRetardant@lemmy.world 1 day ago
I meet a lot of people who want an honest relationship, but also date around a lot while looking and will go on dates with several other people while still trying things with someone else and that never made sense to me. If you’re looking for an honest, monogamous relationship it makes more sense to me to try dating 1 person at a time. If they are worth a 2nd date id say they are worth giving a fair shot and not seeing 3 other people on first dates before that 2nd date ever happens.
In my experience I’m the weird one for this view and most people tend to date and sleep around until a commited relationship starts out of that mess and one party puts their foot down on the other seeing other people for dates.
AskewLord@piefed.social 14 hours ago
dating isn’t being being in a relationship. you date until you find someone you want to be in a relationship with.
they are two separate states.
FireRetardant@lemmy.world 14 hours ago
See thats what i don’t get. I don’t want to date or sleep around without an emotional attachment and a certain level of trust. Like if my genitials are going inside someone i gotta be able to trust them. I have very little sexual desire to someone I’m not romantically/emotionally attracted to. We have to be able to have conversations about safe sex and what to do if an “accident” happens.
I also don’t get how you can manage seeing multiple people on multiple dates. When i get a crush thats the only person i want to think about. Even if I had a date with another girl thats my type, the first girl being on my mind would rob my attention from the other date and i feel like its not always a fair mindset for me. As i said I know I’m the weird one here but its just never made sense to me.
If i like someone enough for a 2nd date I have no interest in seeing others. At that point i wouldn’t consider it a relationship but both parties giving each other a fair shot by not going on other dates seems like a reasonable level of commitment for someone you’re fond of. I just think the mindset of “maybe I’ll like the next one more than this one” isn’t helpful and could be a red flag, what if that kind of behavior never stops and they are constantly on dating apps waiting for something better to come along?
AskewLord@piefed.social 13 hours ago
Other people aren’t you. They don’t think or feel like you do, and they don’t value the things you value. It’s that simple. You think sex is about trust, other folks don’t. I’ve met a ladies who get offended if you don’t try to fuck them within an hour or two of meeting them. And ones who claim they only want casual, but then they basically want to be your girlfriend, etc.
People lie a lot. Especially to themselves. For a lot of folks, dating is not about love and trust and all that. It’s much more shallow and it’s just about immediate gratification and pleasure. And they don’t care. You can’t reason them out of something that is purely emotional.
FireRetardant@lemmy.world 13 hours ago
My problem is i keep going on dates that turn into relationships without the title, i pay for dates, fix their car, help around their house and they act all cute and loving until you want to make it monogamous and suddenly its “oh i don’t really like you like that” or “really i can’t be in a relationship right now” etc. So I’ve changed my strategy to try to find people with the goal of eventually being in a relationship from the start.