which reinforces the idea that sex is a competitive event that a man has to develop his skills at in order to be allowed admission, rather than a collaborative activity for the enjoyment of both partners

This is a false dichotomy, because, based on the conversations I’ve been party to with my friend group (which includes a number of aggressively poly women), a lack of skill can and will make it harder to gain admission. Lack of skill can make it unenjoyable for the other party, which can absolutely gate your admission.

One of my casual partners in my friend group will semi-regularly reference a former short-term partner who was rather well endowed but didn’t know how to use the equipment he had. Lack of skill is what caused her to drop the partner, and I’ve heard similar conversations with other AFAB friends.