It’s so weird to me that people pre-plan cheating. You always hear the story that “it just happened”. However, now that I’m in my 40s, I’ve found that it is so often someone who spends lots of time considering it and shopping the idea around to their friends to see if they can find someone to tell them it’s ok.
Comment on why is it never the 'close friend' who gets shit on?
white_nrdy@programming.dev 2 weeks agoMy friend group recently excised someone because he was hard core planning on cheating on his soon to be wife… They weren’t married yet, he wanted to end the relationship bud didn’t wanna be single. So he was just planning on cheating and how exactly to do it.
We decided to cut him out of the group, because most of us have the opinion “if you’re willing to fuck over your supposed partner, you’re definitely willing to fuck over a friend”. Add on top of that a ton of unremorseful misogyny.
NottaLottaOcelot@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
white_nrdy@programming.dev 2 weeks ago
Yeah, 100%. A few of us tried to talk him out of it. 3 of us had independent 1:1 conversations with him saying it wasn’t cool. And if he’s not happy in his relationship now, it won’t magically get better (he knew that to be true) and he should break it off. However he refused, unless he had a sure thing for a relationship immediately after.
He wanted to use one of our (my SO and me) best friends as “option B” and also had graphic and very explicit fantasies about this individual. He told one of the others that was trying to have a “come to your senses” talk with him about these fantasies, unsolicited. To the point he was apparently graphically imagining fucking them after we had just hung out, while he was home laying in bed next to his Fiancee.
He also said that de wasn’t worried about the wedding coming up. The quote “whether I break it off now or a day before the wedding, its the same emotional and financial toll, so I shouldn’t rush it”. And he wouldn’t be willing to get a divorce once they had kids. He didn’t want kids, but she did, and he caved.
NottaLottaOcelot@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
I can see why you would stop hanging out with someone who treats people so little respect
white_nrdy@programming.dev 2 weeks ago
Yeah… And given the person whom he wanted to be “option B” is my wife’s best friend…
ChexMax@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Ugh we just got cut out of our friend group for very similar situation, except the asshole won. He almost cheated on his then fiance, he did screw over his “best friend” my husband, and when he learned my husband had told me about the emotional affair, he manipulated us and everyone, campaigned against us and eventually got us disliked and dropped by everyone. It really sucked, these were lifelong friends. My only hope is that they eventually all see who he is. I doubt it, as it’s been a year and a half, and his now wife just had a baby. I feel the worst for her in the situation.