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Even a “yes” can, and frequently is, converted into a “no” retroactively, sometimes well after the act. It all comes down to feelings before facts and how she personally prefers to interpret the event regardless of the passage of time.

And unless the entire action is videotaped and notarized, as a man you are defined as being in the wrong 100% of the time.

Plus, as a man you are also faced with epic levels of societal hypocrisy that you have no ability to counteract, regardless of how things actually went.

The only rational risk-assessment analysis for any man in the lower-90% is to consider ALL responses a “no”, and to just walk away.

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Doomsider@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago
Yeah going to have to call bullshit here. First of all a retroactive no is not something that is a chargeable offense. Most SA goes unreported and only a small fraction of what is reported is ever investigated and even a smaller amount is ever successfully prosecuted.

She said he said is usually ignored by the police so it never reaches anywhere close to what you seem concerned about. Not only is this backed up by statistical evidence, as a social worker and a person whose had the privilege to talk to many women about this I can attest that only a couple out of hundreds ever got any justice.

The whole lives ruined thing is a misnomer that is born out with tons of men in power who never get in trouble. You hear about a few cases of men being held accountable and somehow extrapolate that into a common occurrence. It isn’t.

You can even look to POTUS who is an epic rapist still walking free after thousands of SAs in his lifetime. The Metoo movement turned out to be a sad joke with only a small handful of men in power successfully prosecuted. The backlash against the Metoo movement has been epic though with police, prosecutors, and judges all ensuring that justice will never be served.

If you don’t feel that any women would ever consent to have sex with you without changing her mind later, you are welcome to that opinion. Considering your mindset I would actually agree with you here as consent is less about yes and more about caring for another person.

On the other hand, if you get to know someone and build trust over time and they like you in that way things will happen naturally. I am hoping that you experience this if you are open to it. As you said it, it really is that simple.

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- rekabis@lemmy.ca ⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago
  
  tons of men in power who never get in trouble.
  
  Here, people, is an absolutely exquisite example of the Apex Fallacy in action: using the 1% to 0.1% of men that fit the conditions and applying that case to the other 99% who don’t have these characteristics and could never achieve the same prosecutorial immunity.
  
  For the vast majority of men, even the insinuation of sexual malfeasance is enough to destroy careers and marriages.
  
  Hell, even good samaritans lose everything, and they did absolutely nothing wrong.
  
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  - Doomsider@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago
    Out of every 1,000 sexual assaults that occur, only about 310 are reported. Of those, approximately 50 lead to an arrest, 28 cases result in a felony conviction, and onlyb25.perpetrators end up incarcerated.
    
    This stats do not show an epidemic of men getting convicted and actually shows the polar opposite. A society that is indifferent to SA.
    
    Up to 30% of men in college will admit to committing a SA. Those are the ones willing to admit. How many men get kicked out of college for SA?
    
    Meanwhile large universities found that, on average, colleges suspend only 1 in every 12,400 students and expel only 1 in every 22,900 students annually for sexual misconduct.
    
    Woah sounds like no one is doing shit. This is the reality that dwarfs you fantasy about men losing everything.
    
    The few that do generally deserve it, but I am sure you can drum up some questionable cases. These pale in comparison to reality and trying to consider an outlier as what is common is just pure ignorance on anyone’s part that does.
    
    So no, the reality is almost no one faces any consequences at all.
    
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    rekabis@lemmy.ca ⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago
    Let me put something else in your pipe to smoke:
    
    Women rape men as frequently as men rape women.
    
    And now the real surprise: when asked about experiences in the last 12 months, men reported being “made to penetrate” - either by physical force or due to intoxication - at virtually the same rates as women reported rape (both 1.1 percent in 2010, and 1.7 and 1.6 respectively in 2011).
    
    In other words, if being made to penetrate someone was counted as rape - and why shouldn’t it be? - then the headlines could have focused on a truly sensational CDC finding: that women rape men as often as men rape women.
    
    And yet, where are the convictions of female rapists??
    
    crickets
    
    If you want to clean house, start with your own.
    
    And the real kicker comes down to these three points:
    
    It took the FBI until 2015 to even begin recording female-on-male rape as rape, because before then it wasn’t considered rape. And so national law enforcement stats for female-on-make rape just don’t exist before 2015.
    
    Many police precincts still use software that hard-codes the victim as female and the perp as male, further frustrating justice by creating “erroneous” records that are trivial to dismiss, and preventing a full accounting of the problem by preventing correct gender identification of the victim and perp.
    
    Almost all men have been brainwashed to think that it is impossible for a woman to rape a man, be it physical or psychological coercion, so many of these male victims don’t even realize they have been victimized.
    
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