Do what I did…
Buy a 3d printer.
Design and print a funnel that can clip under the rim of any toilet that diverts some of the water up your arse.
Do the poopiest of poops.
Clip the AnywayBidet™ on to the toilet.
Flush toilet.
And, BOOM, you now know why I’m banned from every ikea in the UK.

Ok, maybe I should’ve tried it in the actual toilets rather than the showroom area. Either way the AnywayBidet™ is a surefire way to get people talking!!