So, I don’t know if there’s some kind of psychological phenomenon at play here — but it sounds like something very similar to a circumstance my mom went through (albeit, the stakes were much different).
She used to smoke, and when she decided she wanted to have a kid (eventually me) she gave it up. What she told herself was that if she quit and wanted to start back up at 65, ok? Who cares, she’s already old at that point so it’s not like it’s worse than having smoked for the previous 45 years.
Eventually never went back to them. She is actually repulsed by cigarettes now.
I think what I take from that is my mom didn’t really give up cigarettes, at least not psychologically. In her mind she could go back at any time and there was no issue, she’d just go back to not smoking (and she didn’t even do that, she just quit). I wonder if maybe a similar thing happened to you here? You gave yourself a goal so far ahead in the future that you also gave yourself ample time to grow — even if that goal was inevitably death. It’s almost like sewerslide was your way of equalizing the playing field.
Idk, I could be wrong — I’m glad you didn’t, though.
Shellofbiomatter@lemmus.org 22 hours ago
Why 24? If you don’t mind asking. That’s kinda odd number.
Like i chose 18, as im an adult by then and all the drug lectures at school painted a picture that I’d be offered drugs everywhere. So the plan was to OD at 18th birthday, seemed kinda nice way to go and a better alternative than become communal Fleshlight in the prison. Not that there was even any realistic threat of that happening, but thats in hindsight.
fartographer@lemmy.world 18 hours ago
From a school assignment asking what I would be like at 25 years old. I decided that I never wanted to be 25.
Shellofbiomatter@lemmus.org 13 hours ago
That makes sense, thank you for sharing.