Comment on Might explain some of my dating missteps
FosterMolasses@leminal.space 2 weeks ago
I think there’s a real issue where people have shifted the needle in recent years from the understandable observation of “It’s unhealthy to trauma-bond with strangers, and sometimes with dangerous people that is the goal” to “How dare you tell me about personal things going on in your life, friend of 6 years.”
I think either scenario is just an excuse to generally be a miserable person to be around, let alone a genuine friend. There’s definitely a balance, but most people I’ve met are far more likely to treat someone as a social pariah for answering the question “How are you?” honestly than to use you as a personal therapist, and that’s even before I moved to the UK lol
lifeinlarkhall@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Yeah this is what I’ve observed too. It’s very, very strange to see the messaging around these things change. For extra context I’m autistic and have mental health issues myself. People confuse me in general lol.
I feel like I’ve watched things go from “no, no, we don’t talk about those things, sweep it under the rug, everything is fine” to “reach out! Speak to someone! Believe victims! It’s ok not to be ok! #mentalhealth #noshame” and then in recent years we’ve developed the term “trauma dumping” which appears even to apply to friends.
It feels a little like we went “speak up, reach out…ah fuck, no no stop now”. I actually find it quite concerning.
And then people wonder why others are turning to AI companions. I don’t personally but it does make sense to me when the social game is as confusing as it is especially around mental health or even quite minor stuff things can get the “trauma dump” label. I even remember seeing a couple of people say you shouldn’t trauma dump on your THERAPIST 😅😅😅
How are you is the most confusing question a person can ask 🙃 like, really or generic answer? It can be a very lonely question, that one.
TheBluePillock@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
As a fellow autistic, I rarely even answer that question. Most people don’t really care or need an answer, so I just ignore it completely and change the topic. If I must answer, I’ll usually say something like, “I’m hanging in there.” It’s not pretending that everything is fine, but it’s got a sense of positivity to it. Like: I’m handling it and you don’t need to worry about me. That way it’s neither pretending, nor dragging down the mood.
Brought to you by overthinking this question for decades.
lifeinlarkhall@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Yes I tend to have a standard answer for set situations now too. Now it’s more so jarring when I’m unsure of the relationship “level” like I have made acquaintances and friends with coworkers. Some are “work friends” (only see them at work) and one or two are outside of work friends. I feel like I’m glitching when one of my work friends but also friends outside of work asks me how it’s going because my brain is like generic or real answer, glitch glitch.
And also how do you reach out for support or tell someone you’re struggling? I really haven’t figured that out yet.
TheBluePillock@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I just don’t reach out. It’s a lonely solution and I can’t recommend it.
Apytele@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
I say “I continue to be blessed with gainful employment.” My voice is flat enough that people can either take it as gratitude / positivity or (more likely) as a bit of my classic dry wit.