i went into details on other aspects of monogamy I find internally unethical. Maybe cheating is bad, but at best it’s a victimless crime, as bad a cheating on a diet. rather than it being published with social isolation.
life it too short to set up relationships based on the denial of feeling for others.
That i don’t get at all. I really don’t think it’s too much to expect honesty from your significant other. In my world, that’s about the one person where you owe absolute honesty, all other relations yeah lying ain’t THAT big a deal.
Lying to yourself (breaking a diet) i agree is a victimless crime, but lying to others isn’t, as that is at the expense of the person being deceived. Lying to a random ass person is of course much less a deal than lying to your significant other, and in both situations it’s of course also dependant on the thing being lied about. A vegetarian would be very mad about being told a lie that the meal they were being served is vegetarian if it actually contained meat, and rightfully so imo.
In i think that might be getting to the core of it. It might not be a big deal to you, and that’s of course totally okay and your right and just as natural as any other proposition, BUT, failing to recognize that this might be important to the person, and then proceed to lie about that thing just because you yourself don’t think it’s that big a deal, is not okay in my book.
For me, it’s about respecting the internal worldview of the other person, and recognizing that it is just as important as my own. If something is a deal breaker for my partner, i don’t give a rats ass how important I think it is, what’s important is respecting that my partner cares a great deal about it. And if my partner cannot show the same towards me, that’s not a relationship i want to be in. And we do all have the right to say no to a relationship we don’t want, right?
A vegetarian would be very mad about being told a lie that the meal they were being served is vegetarian if it actually contained meat, and rightfully so imo.
That would be more like you are vegan and your partner had a steak yesterday by herself without you. IF you expect her to be vegan you might be upset, but she did not force you to eat anything.
It just seems like setting up a rule “You must remain chaste without me” is inherently irrational. and “Only I am the one you are allowed to receive romancing and intimate affection from” is not a good long term plan, given that all relationships (and people) change a grow with time.
I don’t agree with your twist of my analogy. I expect you to be honest about a meal you serve if you know i care about its contents, just i expect that you are honest about any other thing you know i find important. IMO thats the core of respect, and respect in a relationship is a huge thing for me.
So it might seem inherently irrational to you, i just dont get why that matters at all. Again, in my view, how the person i care about, feel about cabout a particular thing that’s important to them, supersedes how i personally feel about it, because i care about - and respect - the PERSON, not the thing in question.
IAmNorRealTakeYourMeds@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
i went into details on other aspects of monogamy I find internally unethical. Maybe cheating is bad, but at best it’s a victimless crime, as bad a cheating on a diet. rather than it being published with social isolation.
life it too short to set up relationships based on the denial of feeling for others.
tutter@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 weeks ago
That i don’t get at all. I really don’t think it’s too much to expect honesty from your significant other. In my world, that’s about the one person where you owe absolute honesty, all other relations yeah lying ain’t THAT big a deal.
Lying to yourself (breaking a diet) i agree is a victimless crime, but lying to others isn’t, as that is at the expense of the person being deceived. Lying to a random ass person is of course much less a deal than lying to your significant other, and in both situations it’s of course also dependant on the thing being lied about. A vegetarian would be very mad about being told a lie that the meal they were being served is vegetarian if it actually contained meat, and rightfully so imo.
In i think that might be getting to the core of it. It might not be a big deal to you, and that’s of course totally okay and your right and just as natural as any other proposition, BUT, failing to recognize that this might be important to the person, and then proceed to lie about that thing just because you yourself don’t think it’s that big a deal, is not okay in my book.
For me, it’s about respecting the internal worldview of the other person, and recognizing that it is just as important as my own. If something is a deal breaker for my partner, i don’t give a rats ass how important I think it is, what’s important is respecting that my partner cares a great deal about it. And if my partner cannot show the same towards me, that’s not a relationship i want to be in. And we do all have the right to say no to a relationship we don’t want, right?
IAmNorRealTakeYourMeds@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
That would be more like you are vegan and your partner had a steak yesterday by herself without you. IF you expect her to be vegan you might be upset, but she did not force you to eat anything.
It just seems like setting up a rule “You must remain chaste without me” is inherently irrational. and “Only I am the one you are allowed to receive romancing and intimate affection from” is not a good long term plan, given that all relationships (and people) change a grow with time.
tutter@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 weeks ago
I don’t agree with your twist of my analogy. I expect you to be honest about a meal you serve if you know i care about its contents, just i expect that you are honest about any other thing you know i find important. IMO thats the core of respect, and respect in a relationship is a huge thing for me.
So it might seem inherently irrational to you, i just dont get why that matters at all. Again, in my view, how the person i care about, feel about cabout a particular thing that’s important to them, supersedes how i personally feel about it, because i care about - and respect - the PERSON, not the thing in question.