Comment on Anon needs a good response

Anivia@feddit.org ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

• glimse@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  I man no disrespect but you gotta reign it in. I totally get where you’re coming from but getting lovebombed is a red flag for good reason.

  You alluded to one reason why in your comment…if the infatuation isn’t mutual, it feels like the person is just excited to be in a relationship. They’re in love with being in love, not with me.

  And unless you’re a narcissist, it just feels weird to put on a pedestal. Getting fawned over 24/7 is too much. People just want a partner that is a normal person most of the time.

  It also has the connotation of codependence. And with that, it’s likely this person is going to have a mental breakdown if we break up in a year.

  Lovebombing usually means baggage. It’s understandable that people don’t want to start a relationship with someone carrying a ton of baggage.

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  • Anivia@feddit.org ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    I mean, thank you for your advice, but I’ve been dating for quite a while now so I already learned I have to tone it down. It just feels frustrating having to pretend I’m less interested than I actually am, when I’m usually a person that hates being disingenuous

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    • glimse@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      But the reasons to be put off by lovebombing are justified. You’re a stranger juggling knives and frustrated that they’re backing away lol

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      • Anivia@feddit.org ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Yes, I am well aware. I just know that lovebombing can also seen as a deliberate manipulation tactic (and often probably is), and my original comment was just meant to show the other side, that it isn’t always a manipulation attempt.

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      • Soulg@ani.social ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        I mean they keep acknowledging that it kinda just seems you’re telling them that they have no choice but to pretend they’re someone different than who they are

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  • captainlezbian@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Yeah I associate it with uncontrolled BPD and it fucking terrifies me at this point because of the experiences that caused that association. Being put on a pedestal sucks, your successes become expected and your failures become catastrophic. But also you can feel trapped for fear of hurting someone who you do like who’s in a bad place. And from there enforcing boundaries can start to feel like hurting them.

    With my wife we still make points to express that we’d be ok and manage if the other left. Our finances are built with that in mind even. Knowing I can leave makes me always aware of how I don’t want to, and it makes us safe and secure in the fact that we know the other doesn’t want to.

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