Here the thing. You ever looked into a giraffe’s eyes? There’s nothing there, they’re mentally vacant. They make deer look like they read the New Yorker. The fight with their necks, which is dumb, but it’s even dumber that their evolutionary gambit worked at all. You wanted to eat the leaves, you got tall. Your medals are in the mail, giraffes. Gold medals with sarcastically long neck ribbons. It makes me sick. They’re no better than camels, and don’t get me started about those filthy bastards.