Comment on Discussion Thread š¦ Saturday 28 February 2026
melbaboutown@aussie.zone āØ1ā© āØdayā© ago
Iām really not doing well.
Iām still in shock but stressing about what to do about the black cat.
Because heās coming around a lot and all over me for affection, rubbing against me and swishing his tail all over my arms and face. Which means even despite wearing gloves now I have to constantly be showering and changing clothes to decontaminate ringworm spores. And risking bringing it into my house if it isnāt already. I tried getting a UV torch but it didnāt get delivered and Iāve since learned I need a Woods lamp which I canāt afford. Real ones are pricey and I haemorrhaged so much money trying to keep Melbcat alive. The mosquito zapper I have was UV-A, possibly also near the 395nm range, and did cause some things to fluoresce but not the lesion. So it wonāt help me with any information about whether he is affected or where to focus the cleaning efforts. I hunted down a replacement bulb that had the necessary filter and the connection type to fit the bug lamp but theyāre either very expensive or out of stock. I donāt want to ignore him because I do like patting him and am already attached. Heās a sweet guy and a love bug. Already considered trying to adopt and thinking of a name. I also donāt know if anyone else is caring for him, massive red flags there. Catching him and taking him to the vet may not do anything because treatment has to be thorough and consistent. Just applying anti fungal ointment will be ineffective and court resistance to the chemical. I could try diluted iodine instead but that risks drying and irritation, plus I donāt see the little round bald spots anymore. And heād just keep going back into the infective environment. I canāt safely send him to the shelter without knowing whether he has an owner who will definitely pick him up. Theyāre slammed. Between being an adult, a black cat and the ringworm/cat flu he would be less adoptable and possibly be euthanised if nobody gets him. My local is bad for that. I donāt use facebook anymore, even making a burner email might open me up to people wanting to come to my house to get him, and I really donāt feel able to field a lot of contact from random people. He may even be owned by one of the a holes here, but even if not and I could adopt him he would have to abruptly become an inside cat which I donāt think he would accept. Heās younger and more energetic than Melbcat and her transition was slower. Plus Iād have to rigorously treat him for weeks to months and the environment with him quarantined in my bathroom which I really donāt feel capable of right now. And even if heās not the source of the issue Iām not ready for another cat yet. Melbcat has literally just died and Iām struggling to even accept it. I havenāt moved any of her things and sometimes think for a second sheās still in the house or under the doona, automatically taking care not to disturb her or sit on her. I rushed through arranging and paying for her cremation and notifying people before I was ready because I just wanted to do what was needed before it hit me and I couldnāt. But this situation has created more pressure to come up with a plan for him. Plus Melbcat hated this cat hanging around. Her last days were spent getting stressed about me frantically washing things to try and protect her, and me trying to care for both of them. And she hissed him away. It feels so disloyal to be caring for her nemesis even if itās just the basic mercy of food, water, parasite treatment and pats.
I feel so guilty focusing on him when I should be only thinking of Melbcat. When it hits me she will be all I can think of. He could never come close to the bond we had and the cat she was. I just donāt want to stop looking out for him if heās got nobody and that means a lot of physical labour and stress and a complicated situation until some solution is found. Just ignoring him is not an option because of guilt and genuine care for him. Itās not his fault Iām not coping.
Iām just so sad and tired and beginning to fall apart before everything has even sunk in. Absolutely beaten and worn down and spiraling. I just want to rest and grieve but am stressing without an easy solution in sight.
when Allie died I was very grieved
but I am a loving person so looked for another cat that needed someone
and I got a cat that was not like Allie at all in look and character, I got Bill
And that has worked out well
itās not betrayal to be caring and if it is your nature to care then care. And really, cats shouldnāt be that hard to look after. Do what you can to help the little guy. I think he will be very appreciative.
Everything is so fucked :(
Iāll just do what I can but thereās context for why I canāt just relax with him as an outside cat.
maybe keep the cat indoors
do the neighbours know about this cooked person?
All legal measures were used to contain the situation and itās now ācontainedā but they do remain slightly unpredictable and do concerning things. And even if I could prove wrongdoing, which I canāt, that doesnāt help little man if he got targeted.
I hoped to move away taking Melbcat with me but I wasnāt able to. Now Iām just freaking out about this one.
Keeping him inside would involve essentially kidnapping him and locking him in my bathroom for quarantine while constantly cleaning with chemicals and regularly bathing him if possible. Ringworm is very infectious and can stick around in carpet for like 18 months. The stress could make him sicker. And I have a brain that spirals around contamination.
But whatever. Iāll continue feeding him to try and bolster his health and discourage him from catching birds or eating anything dangerous. Declutter and clean the shit out of my house to try and get rid of an infection or stay on top of another. Iāll improvise a winter shelter.
And being as he easily let me pat his belly, Iāll start testing the limits by trying to pick him up for a second at a time. Gauging whether I can get him in a carrier.
Maybe this could be your ārebound catā to help you work through the grief of losing melbcat. One thing Iāve noticed with pets just like people is theyāre all different. You wonāt have the same connection with this cat, itās a different cat. Just like how it will never replace melbcat in your heart or your memories, youāll have a different bond between you
I donāt know if I want to rebound. I donāt know if heād accept being confined and quarantined and if I could manage the ordeal of ringworm eradication.
I care about this little guy but have had no chance to grieve and I want my cat. š
Eagle@aussie.zone āØ1ā© āØdayā© ago
Grief is not linear, you will continue to travel its squiggly lines for a long time.
No one here is doubting your love for her, and Black Cat is never going to replace Melbcat, because she is irreplaceable. But it is okay to share what is left of your heart while it heals with another creature who sounds like he does need some help. It took me a week to decide to bring another cat into our home after I lost my old boy Scooter. 10 days after I lost him we brought home a pair of kittens from a rescue, and that 3 day delay was only because we had covid at the time and had to wait for clearance. The kittens were very young and unwell with cat flu. They required a lot of care, which helped heal my heart and kept me busy. I still miss my giant black boy, but after nearly 4 years I can remember him softly and I hope he forgives me for leaving the decision a day late, and for bringing now 3 other cats into his home. Love is not pie and there is plenty to go around as your heart grows with each addition, not separated by pieces. There is no wrong decision here, just follow your kind and giving heart. If you donāt have the capacity, you will help him as much as you can, and thats enough.
melbaboutown@aussie.zone āØ1ā© āØdayā© ago
I know. Iām sorry, Iām spiraling.
Iām just in a complicated situation with this emotionally and practically and so not ready for any of this.
Eagle@aussie.zone āØ1ā© āØdayā© ago
Its okay, you have just had your world rocked.
No decisions need to be made today.
Tomorrow is another day and your options will reshuffle. Youāre doing okay ā„ļø
melbaboutown@aussie.zone āØ1ā© āØdayā© ago
I just want to sort everything out so I can rest.
Iāve been doing intense (and often palliative) unpaid caregiving back to back for like 8 years and now my soul cat is dead while Iām presented with another difficult situation. I am crumbling.