Comment on Anon goes to therapy
deathbird@mander.xyz 4 days agoI also noticed that a number of these guys would also only persue women who were on the high end of physical attractiveness (or with very particular features) but had nothing in common with them. By strictly limiting acceptable potential partners by upholding strict physical standards, by prioritizing “hot girls” over “nice girls” or even “interested girls” they missed a lot of human connections. Including fun sex.
blarghly@lemmy.world 3 days ago
I’ll also admit to possibly falling into this category. But I’m not going to apologize for it. The fact is that no matter how nice or interesting a girl is, if I’m not physically attracted to her, then I don’t want to have sex with her.
And if I went ahead and had sex with her anyway, the sex wouldn’t be fun because I would feel awkward and put off and gross for having sex with someone I’m not actually attracted to - which, through no fault of my partner’s, would then make it bad for her too. Trust me, I’ve tried.
I’m not saying that this is how anyone else’s sexuality works. But it is how my sexuality works, and there’s nothing I can do about it, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of.
I’ve heard there are some guys out there who refuse to date any woman who doesn’t look like a fashion model because they have some kind of sense of entitlement about it - this is not me. Those guys should drop their ego, and sleep with whichever women they find hot and enjoyable to be around. But my standards for attractiveness are not about ego - they are about what I find attractive. And once my standards of attractiveness aren’t met, then I am not attracted to a person… sorry.
Not to say that women’s personalities are irrelivant, either. A woman I don’t find attractive for whatever reason can still be a wonderful friend. And if a woman is attractive and has a bad personality, at a certain point it becomes a dealbreaker even for a drunken hookup. And if a woman is attractive and has a good personality, fantastic! I hope she wants to keep hanging out and I hope I can make her cum lots and lots of times on many occasions!
But the reality is, if you have a disposition like mine, you are definitely playing a harder game than a lot of other people. The 'tism + high sex drive + nonmonogamous + straight as an arrow + physical attractiveness motivated combo really just leads to one conclusion - you gotta be hot so the babes will wanna suck your dick, bro!
So I just put the effort into being attractive, and it works out alright.
deathbird@mander.xyz 3 days ago
The bad stuff comes with holding unreasonable expectations and hurting others or oneself to persue them. That doesn’t sound like what you’re doing.