Comment on Just an FYI
ReginaPhalange@lemmy.world 19 hours agoI need a linguist to tell me why this one feels strange, but if we switch the first line to Alien spaceship it seems better.
Comment on Just an FYI
ReginaPhalange@lemmy.world 19 hours agoI need a linguist to tell me why this one feels strange, but if we switch the first line to Alien spaceship it seems better.
davidagain@lemmy.world 18 hours ago
You’re right. I think it works better because it’s more consistent and poetry benefits from an economy of words, elimination of waffle, distillation to the most concise expression, particularly with haiku. But mode than anything, it benefits from being poetic, which your version does, thank you:
Alien spaceship,
Eerie light and booming voice:
“SHOW ME THAT BUTTHOLE.”
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 11 hours ago
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