Comment on Anon asks out a friend

• Wolf@lemmy.today ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  No, but I don’t really believe in marriage anyway.

  The way I see it if you are only with someone because of a promise, that is less special than being with someone because you currently want to be with them. I’ve had several meaningful relationships over the years and have no regrets. I wouldn’t trade any of that for being stuck in an unsatisfying relationship or giving the government control over my personal life like being legally married requires you to be.

  I’m a pretty unconventional person though and most of the women I am attracted to felt the same way, with one exception. That relationship ended way too early because I didn’t believe in marriage. The crazy thing is I probably would have eventually married her because it was important to her, but she gave me an ultimatum and I hate being manipulated like that, so I broke it off. The speed at which she got back with her ex bf who supposedly treated her badly tells me that I made the right choice.

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  • wowwoweowza@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Well… depending on how long ago you separated from that partner who tried to pressure you into marriage, you could discover how her decision to return to someone who mistreated her turned out.

    And I am glad you did not marry anyone that you think might have led to an unsatisfying partnership.

    Marriage is a wild ride. I was an LA punk rocker in my teens and have felt unconventional my whole life… despite that in many ways, my path doesn’t look much like the road less travelled. For me, showing up to parent teacher conferences was richly unconventional. I’ll be honest… I ended up being much more generous of myself than I would have ever pictured me. Marriage does not come without its sacrifices.

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    • Wolf@lemmy.today ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Well… depending on how long ago you separated from that partner who tried to pressure you into marriage, you could discover how her decision to return to someone who mistreated her turned out.

      Unfortunately, a few weeks after we split up she told me that she couldn’t handle being just friends with me and so I left her alone. A couple years later I ran into one of her friends, who told me she moved back home to Kentucky and she had another child with him (he was already her baby daddy when I was with her). Hopefully they are having a wonderful life. As far as him mistreating her goes all she really said about him was that he was mean to her and he had a small penis- so hopefully that’s as bad as it got. I have tried to look her up and despite her having an unusual first name- Facebook wasn’t any help and I’d have no idea how to find her other than that. I have no idea what her married last name would be. It was almost 25 years ago when we dated.

      I’ll be honest… I ended up being much more generous of myself than I would have ever pictured me. Marriage does not come without its sacrifices.

      I can see that, and no shade to people who did get married. I used to find the idea of marriage kind of beautiful, until my ‘first love’ and former fiance kind of stabbed me in the back. I suppose in some ways I’m cynical towards the concept. And to be perfectly honest I have struggled with mental illness most of my life and it’s not getting any better- so that effects my prospects romantically. I always said that I’d rather be alone and unhappy than with someone and miserable- so it may have been a self fulfilling prophecy in some ways.

      Anyway it’s really cool that you were able to reach inside and find the fortitude to make those sacrifices and make things work out for you guys. That shows a lot of character. A lot of people never find that which is partially why the divorce rate is so high I think.

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