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Comment on Discussion Thread 📺 Saturday 6 September 2025

LowExperience2368@aussie.zone ⁨6⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

friend rant

I have this friend whose parents were a bit negligent. This is one friend who is always late, and has a gaming addiction, so she often plays games at night and sleeps during the day. We have fun together, but it is now overshadowed by her tardiness. I don’t remember if I wrote about her most recent tardiness a few weeks ago, but we were meant to meet at an animal shelter at a certain time, and it ended up with me going to her place and she was still asleep. She finally faced a consequence that impacted her for her lateness. The shelter was closing and we couldn’t see the animals. They gave her a roof over her head and paid bills, but never cooked or cleaned for her or themselves. To compensate for not being there for her as a kid, her dad now lives with her in an apartment, but it’s like she’s living alone. She gets an allowance from her dad, which she spends mostly on food and collectables. The dad makes his money from selling cigarettes, which he keeps in the living area of the apartment. There is no space to walk around. It stunk of cigarettes. The floor looked like it had never been cleaned. I gave her a small vacuum when she moved in, which was full of dust and looked like it hadn’t been touched since I helped her vacuum. Now she’s applying for a Centrelink payment. I asked her why seeing as her dad gives her money for groceries and stuff. She refuses to cook, and wants the extra money so she can spend more than $20 on food when she leaves the house. I feel sorry for her. But I also don’t want to be friends with someone who doesn’t give a shit about anyone except for herself. I don’t think it’s worth putting any energy into her anymore. Or any of the soul-sucking people who are late for no good reason. It sucks because we’ve been friends for ten years, but it is what it is. I’m going to put my social time into meeting new people and spending time alone doing the things I want to do. Being alone is peaceful. I hope one day, I can experience that peace with the right people.

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Bottom_racer@aussie.zone ⁨6⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago
Doesn’t sound like an easy situation. I suppose there are two things that can happen. Dial back expectations or cut the friendship. If you have fun together not an easy choice!

which he keeps in the living area

Is it safe to do that? hrmm. I’d be worried about safety considering all the tobacco shit recently. Maybe I’m paranoid lol.

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- LowExperience2368@aussie.zone ⁨6⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago
  It’s a tiny apartment, and so the boxes of cigarettes are also in close proximity to the kitchen. It’s a trace tobacco smell, so idk about the safety of it, but still pretty disgusting imo.
  
  I think I’m just going to gently distance her and let it fade out rather than telling her I’m cutting her off completely. I have voiced these things to her before. I don’t want to be that person that says everything she’s done that’s pissed me off and abruptly cut her off, because that’s a bit mean.
  
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Seagoon_@aussie.zone ⁨6⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago
It seems to me you haven’t spoken to her frankly about how her behaviour and circumstances are impacting her and her friendships.

Talk to her, listen to her. Maybe she needs a little help, offer some.

And it seems to me she might be late for a good reason. ( you saying no good reason is judgy, and you make me wonder how people think about me because I rest in bed far too often to heal my back ) She sounds like she is very stressed and not coping.

She likes to play games, have you offered to play games with her? You just ask her along to do the things you like.

So before anything, reach out and meet her on her own territory. If you want a friend be a friend.

ignore the cigarettes, I think you are being judgy again,

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- LowExperience2368@aussie.zone ⁨6⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago
  spoiler
  I think I have met her on her own territory. I make her pick the time. She has never shown up at the time she picks. I have spoken to her about how this annoys me. She apologises and says she will do better next time, but has not. I agree, I think I do need to have a proper sit down conversation with her. Reasons she has been late include the game she plays having a new update (she sent me a screenshot of her playing the game at the time I was waiting for her at the train station, after I messaged her asking if she was on her way), and sleeping in due to her wack sleeping schedule. She has even said herself that her sleep schedule is not conducive to the demands of daily life. You resting your back sounds like a pretty valid reason to me. I’m sure that being the person you are, would inform people you were going to meet up with about this or give them a heads up if you were going to be late when you could. I’m sorry for making you feel guilty, and I hope that people aren’t judging you for resting in bed. She doesn’t really have any other friends that she meets up with regularly besides me. Anyone else she sees is because of classes or are online friends that she has never met in person. Like a lot of us, she lost most people from high school except for me and one of our other friends who lives interstate. I think she may have ADHD, and so do I, but that doesn’t mean she can’t be on time at all. I think the next time I see her, I will tell her I will only be available for a particular amount of time, based on the time she’s set, and if she’s not available then, then we will not hang out. She has a procrastination problem with studies similar to mine and that stresses her out. She doesn’t care for cleanliness, and I agree, I shouldn’t judge her based on that. We were raised differently. Also the cigarettes. Not my business. That was judgy. I commented on that to give context about her shit living situation. Most of our hangouts involve doing things she wants to do. The last few times we’ve hung out, we have played games together. I am terrible at video games, and she has outright told me that she wants me to play games with her so that she gets matched with easier players. I always go with her to get food, even when I’m not hungry. I go with her to run errands, wait in food outlets whilst she orders food at odd times, and when she meets up with people to buy and sell collectibles. Pretty much everything we do together is something we both want to do, mixed in with things she wants to do.
  
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melbaboutown@aussie.zone ⁨6⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago
A lot of this is context dependent, ie. she could be lazy or it could be something deeper and untreated like clinical depression or another mental illness.

But if it’s stressful and draining you do have the right to not want to deal with it. It’s better you fade and prioritise your own direction rather than keep doing the same thing and resenting it. There’s no shame in valuing your own time and energy.

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