Telling a 22 year old he can’t object and the sentiment of “fine, I’ll find girls for you” comes across to ME as harsh and demeaning. If my father or a fellow adult texted me like that, I would feel demeaned and that the language was a bit harsh and could be softened. Thanks for your opinion!
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spankmonkey@lemmy.world 4 days agoharsh and demeaning towards you
Blunt and straightforward is not the same as harsh and demeaning. The father is explaining why he is doing it and how it is addressing the son’s complaints and behaviors.
happydoors@lemmy.world 4 days ago
JackbyDev@programming.dev 4 days ago
Some older folks tend to speak in a way that comes across as rude in text messages without meaning to. I think it’s a case of that.
spankmonkey@lemmy.world 4 days ago
It is also people inserting their own assumptions of intent and the father/son relationship, including myself.
I read it as a helpful parent addressing something their child has complained about while reinforcing the need to change when the current approach isn’t working. I’ve used something along the line with ‘no objections’ when trying to help my teenager do the things she wants to do but keeps talking herself out of trying.
The exact same language coming from a controlling parent would have completely different meaning based on context. Looking at a comments, a few definitely had controlling parents or parents who didn’t accept they were asexual/gay and kept trying to set them up with a gender they had no interest in, possibly reading ‘unable to find girls’ as the son’s way of deflecting encouragement to date a gender they aren’t interested in based on personal experience.
It really is wild how people can read the same words and interpret them completely differently based on personal experience influencing assumptions.
Jason2357@lemmy.ca 4 days ago
Agreed. I smiles at the blunt: no need to talk about this, just go try this. Then I read the comments. Guess I should call my dad.
echodot@feddit.uk 4 days ago
I’m definitely imagining my own father in this example. Is a grumpy ex military sort, so god knows who he would think would be a good date but I can’t imagine they would be.
He only ever texts me when he wants something, so if he sent me a message like this he would definitely mean that I literally have to do what he was saying. It wouldn’t be encouragement, it would be an instruction he expected to be followed. He wouldn’t think of it as being controlling though, he actually would think he was been helpful.