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My wife and I discussed something along these lines today. She said I would probably enjoy a nerdy gamer girl. I told her I’d end up pretty much like the sloth demon victim, completely unchallenged and lazy.

That’s not to say a female gamer couldn’t be a fulfilling, awesome girlfriend for anyone, but I know it wouldn’t be ideal for me.

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exasperation@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago
I learned in my 20’s that my ideal mix of interests with a significant other needs to include:

Shared interests that we already loved before we met, that we can connect and bond over for that initial spark.

Her interests that she introduces to me, and my interests that I introduce to her, so that we can build on something together and appreciate how the other has enriched our own lives.

Some new interests that we can both pick up and grow in together, and further reinforce our enjoyment of spending time together and growing together.

Our own individual interests that never really click with the other, so that we can each continue to do things that reinforce our individuality and self identity distinct from that particular relationship.

For me and my wife, we already loved food and dining and cooking before we met each other. Easy thing to build early dates around: “have you been to so and so restaurant, I’ve always wanted to check it out.” We also loved a lot of the same TV shows (mostly single camera sitcoms like The Office, Arrested Development, etc.), and had easy couch time for quiet nights in.

She introduced me to style and fashion, and I appreciate a lot of the things about clothing and accessories and even makeup that I never bothered with before the age of 35.

I introduced her to football, and we enjoy going to games together.

We both introduced each other to a lot of musicians, TV shows, movies, and other entertainment we now both like.

We both picked up an interest in wine, whiskey, cocktails, and learned about this stuff together (and have planned memorable vacations centered on the places where people produce that kind of stuff). We also really learned to appreciate architecture and interior design, going as far as to go on tours and visits to specific places and cities and museums for these types of things. We became really particular about silverware and dishes at some point, too, which was a bit of an extension of our love of dining and our love of interior design.

And we still like our own stuff. She likes golf and tennis. I like basketball. I like all sorts of techy nerdy things that she has no interest in. She loves certain types of books and movies that I just do not care about. Our fitness routines have basically no overlap (yoga and spin versus powerlifting and Crossfit-style functional fitness workouts). She likes home improvement and garden stuff and I barely tolerate occasionally doing a few things around the house.

And it works. Having both distinct parts of your life and shared parts of your life seems to strengthen the bonds overall.
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