Comment on Discussion Thread đȘ Saturday 5 July 2025
LowExperience2368@aussie.zone âš5â© âšweeksâ© ago
My mum does this thing with my sister where she brings up a problem she has way after the fact. It makes my sister feel terrible. My sister, a week ago, who has her own place but comes to visit on the weekends: Mum, Iâm going to dog sit for a friend this weekend so Iâll be staying over at hers Mum: OK My mum today: we have a dog here and youâre going to sit someone elseâs dog? I canât even go away and have a weekend for myself because I have to watch him. He doesnât even want to go for a walk more than 100 metres! Sister starts feeling guilty and anxious and has a panic attack. I get that my mum is sick of having to look after the dog and is annoyed, but my sister told her she was going to dogsit a week ago, and my mum said nothing about going away this weekend. I thought my emotional regulation problems were just an innate thing, although I reckon if my parents could regulate their emotions and communicate better, it wouldâve been a bit easier on my end. My mum grew up in a household where her parents fought and her mum in particular cannot regulate her emotions and often goes from 0 to 100 in an instant. If this woman says anything and you disagree, she throws a fit. She has no self-awareness whatsoever. But I hope that if I ever have kids, I break this cycle. Itâs not on.
> cannot regulate her emotions and often goes from 0 to 100 in an instant. If this woman says anything and you disagree, she throws a fit. She has no self-awareness whatsoever.
I really doubt she doesnât know
I bet she can regulate very well when itâs not something she wants or itâs to her advantage
Yup.
My grandma is almost 80 years old as well which I feel is quite enough time to get yourself in check.
Yea that sucks.
If your mum was told a week ago thatâs all on her. Iâm sure thereâs probably a compromise here somewhere but your sis shouldnât feel bad about it if thereâs not. Sounds a bit manipulative.
When my sister is not in the office, she works from here and stays with the dog.
My mum and sister ended up talking about it, and it turns out all my mum wanted was a time that sheâs going to be back here after dogsitting. But it had to come out like that.
Sheâs jealous of your sister having friends.
I think she just resents that my sister wanted the dog but then moved out and my mum does most of the caring for him.
melbaboutown@aussie.zone âš5â© âšweeksâ© ago
Ahhh. Thatâs manipulative as hell. She refuses to communicate a want or a need and then uses the lack of it as a weapon. This isnât about the dog, itâs about control.
Also the things your dad says to you are emotional abuse.
Iâm sorry if Iâve ever been unintentionally insensitive towards you in the past because holy shit.
I need you to know that none of this is your fault and nothing your family thinks or says of you is true. It might be a really good idea to prioritise whatever career will be stable and well paid enough that you have the choice to move out and be independent from them.
Also you might want to know that being raised like this means youâre less likely to spot abusive people or identify behaviours as abuse. And there is a danger of you internalising it and blaming yourself for it rather than clocking it and getting out of Dodge.
LowExperience2368@aussie.zone âš5â© âšweeksâ© ago
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Donât worry, you havenât been insensitive at all. In fact, when I was in a shitty relationship and posted about it on here, you replied to my post, and I took a screenshot of it and read it often to remind myself that what I was dealing with was not good for me. I really appreciate all the advice youâve given me. I feel as though abuse is a loaded term, and I see it more as dysfunction. Iâm dealing with people who mean well, but are misguided and express it in the wrong ways. Just like I donât mean for them to be annoyed when I talk too much. I just want connection. My dad tells me that he loves me and wants the best for me, but has thrown the other stuff on top when heâs upset. I have spoken about this to my psych, and we are going to do an appointment with them so she can talk about how they can better support me. To be honest though, Iâm tired and I think my parents are tired. I havenât spent quality time with my mum in ages, because she used to be a SAHM and her life revolved around my sister and I, and being a housewife. Moving out could definitely help set a boundary so that our interactions involve quality time.
melbaboutown@aussie.zone âš5â© âšweeksâ© ago
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Thatâs good, Iâm glad. Dysfunction might be a better word, yes. But these behaviours are sending up red flags and I can see youâre feeling the strain. If itâs a stable option and something you can cope with it might give everyone some breathing room. Hopefully. Just be warned if people feel like youâre pulling away from them, or theyâre losing control over you or the situation, their behaviours might escalate. ___