Comment on Anon has a warning for incels

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sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

All of my good long term relationships came from times when I encountered someone adjacent to my other interests.

Well yeah, “putting yourself out there” doesn’t mean doing things you hate, it means doing things you like that involve other people, but forcing yourself to try doing them with unfamiliar people. If you like board games or whatever, look for a local group at the library or something. But you’re not going to meet new people to play with if you just sit at home.

Don’t go to a dance club if you hate dancing, but that doesn’t mean you should just stay home.

I actually need someone that I can talk to openly and constructively across all of my interests

I don’t think you’ll ever find someone who matches you on all your interests, but hopefully you find someone who is willing to listen to you ramble on about them, and support you pursuing them. They’ll have their own interests as well and expect the same from you.

My wife and I are both fairly introverted, and we met at a school dance that neither of us really wanted to attend. We awkwardly exchanged numbers, then texted for a bit before our first date, which was playing video games at my place. She beat me at a fighting game, and that’s how I knew it’d have a chance at working out. Nothing is perfect, but we have enough overlap to have something to talk about, along with separate interests. We both like video games, but she prefers team games (MMOs, games like REPO, etc), while I like SP games. She likes to paint and read romantic manga, I’m more into sci fi and fantasy novels. We both like movies and road trips, and we have a similar sense of humor.

I sincerely believe you need just a bit of overlap to share common ground, with enough differences to keep things interesting.

I’m now content with being alone.

I hope you can find more than contentment. If not romance, at least a trusting friendship. Maybe you have that, idk, or maybe you’re happier than you’re letting on, my point is that I believe everyone deserves to be happy, but that often requires a bit of discomfort to “put yourself out there” and make it possible to find fulfilling companionship.

Everyone is different of course, I just feel bad when I see someone blaming everyone else for their loneliness. That doesn’t seem to be the case for you, I’m more referring to the OP here (and honestly, most of my comment here is in that context).

Anyway, finding a good fit is really hard, especially as you get older, since there are naturally fewer people available and everyone seems to be busy. Anyway, good luck with whatever fulfills you, and I hope something you or I wrote here helps someone.

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