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If you’re serious about this I’d suggest a few things first. Find a poly friendly couples therapist and do a few appointments. Even if your relationship is totally secure you’ll get some good things about it. Read the book Polysecure. Look for polyamory or ENM spaces online and read, chat with others. What you’re describing is more of a V relationship with your wife as the hinge, or possibly a full throuple with you and the other guy as a platonic relationship. The main thing to remember is that everyone needs to be equal, and there’s really 4 relationships in play here:

You and your wife Him and your wife You and him All three of you

It’s possible to be ethical as a triad, but it’s work all the way around.

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echolalia@lemmy.ml ⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago
In a poly relationship with n members, there will be 2^n - n - 1 interpersonal relationships in play.

This is the cardinality of the power set of n, minus the number of singleton sets and the empty set.

Thought i would mention it, just in case you needed a quick way to calculate the number of relationships in ur polycule for ur therapist.

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- pennomi@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago
  Forget monogamy, I just need a mathematical relationship!
  
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SincerityIsCool@lemmy.ca ⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago
This is really good advice for you, OP. Polyamory is potentially a very strong and fulfilling relationship structure, but it’s a lot of work and it’s not necessarily easy.

Most of the polyamorous people i know came into their relationships already down for polyamory. Opening up a monogamous relationship is risky, so it is a good idea to proceed in an informed and intentional manner.

There’s a lot of ways relationships can go. A part of polyamory means finding what works for y’all. Who knows, maybe it’ll end up as a monogamous situation where the new guy joins y’all platonically as chosen family.

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