You need to examine why this makes you uncomfortable. Is there other behavior that makes a gift a threat? Or does it make you feel uncomfortable because of a negative internal response? are you concerned about their relationship being too close because you don’t want them to be a couple? Are you jealous or insecure because you could not afford the gift?
Before you react be confident that you are reacting to a valid concern and not punishing your son for a very generous gift that’s just a small overstep.
If they’re actually wealthy and they said this was just chump change for them, and it was a gift, I just don’t quite see where the “unhealthy dynamic” is. You sure this isn’t just about pride?
I guess what I’m trying to get at here is that I doubt the people giving the gift see your son (or you) as a charity case. To your son’s best friend it’s just about giving his bestie a gift he knows he’ll like
Think about it this way. If you had a really good friend that maybe wasn’t doing as well financially and you had to get them something for their birthday, and you knew there was something they wanted that they couldn’t afford but you could easily get for them, would you feel like you were doing charity or just something nice for a nice person?
Don’t let pride get in the way. Just think about what’s best for your kid and if he gets some nice things here and there, no big deal as long as he’s not getting hurt or used.
It could actually end up being a valuable friendship and not cause of how rich these people are. You never know.
Me too. Is this the line for the unhealthy dynamic? Haha.
I guess I actually have had some friends like that - folks with access to tools or a boat or just a really helpful skill that they felt shared. They’re the best and I try to pay it forward.
it could be or it it could just have been an attempt at a gift of something that kid knew your kid wanted with no forethought of how it may have been interpreted by someone with less resources by the parents who just mindlessly OKey it.
Seems like there’s no good way to know at the moment, really.
If your kid starts worshiping the rich kid and talking about his things all the time (which he might if rich kid has all the fun toys and is a decent friend) it may sway your kid a bit more towards materialism, but also offer valuable insight into the true value of wealth. I’m sure, given enough time, he, like many of us that have spent time with wealthy people, they will come to understand that a whole lot of money only fixes some kinds of problems, but also creates new ones.
If you detect a pattern of controlling behavior by the rich kid through what he gets your kid, that could also be a bit concerning, but again, don’t lose the potential valuable lesson from sight. It may be very good to be exposed to that kind of behavioral pattern at a young age if you’re gonna learn why to avoid it really well for the rest of your life.
I’d just let things play themselves out until the child themself expressed distress or concern about the other kid or started asking me for a bunch of stuff I couldn’t or didn’t want to afford.
Either way, it seems like a good faith, despite perhaps a bit thoughtless gift.
junegloom@reddthat.com 2 months ago
seedotrun@lemmy.world 2 months ago
You need to examine why this makes you uncomfortable. Is there other behavior that makes a gift a threat? Or does it make you feel uncomfortable because of a negative internal response? are you concerned about their relationship being too close because you don’t want them to be a couple? Are you jealous or insecure because you could not afford the gift? Before you react be confident that you are reacting to a valid concern and not punishing your son for a very generous gift that’s just a small overstep.
hydroptic@sopuli.xyz 2 months ago
If they’re actually wealthy and they said this was just chump change for them, and it was a gift, I just don’t quite see where the “unhealthy dynamic” is. You sure this isn’t just about pride?
junegloom@reddthat.com 2 months ago
hydroptic@sopuli.xyz 2 months ago
But isn’t that still your pride talking?
I guess what I’m trying to get at here is that I doubt the people giving the gift see your son (or you) as a charity case. To your son’s best friend it’s just about giving his bestie a gift he knows he’ll like
Pudutr0n@feddit.cl 2 months ago
It’s very likely not charity to them.
Think about it this way. If you had a really good friend that maybe wasn’t doing as well financially and you had to get them something for their birthday, and you knew there was something they wanted that they couldn’t afford but you could easily get for them, would you feel like you were doing charity or just something nice for a nice person?
Don’t let pride get in the way. Just think about what’s best for your kid and if he gets some nice things here and there, no big deal as long as he’s not getting hurt or used.
It could actually end up being a valuable friendship and not cause of how rich these people are. You never know.
chosensilence@pawb.social 2 months ago
yeah you need to drop this bullshit American mentality, sorry.
Ledericas@lemm.ee 2 months ago
sounds like pride, probably either dont want to be seen as “poor” recieving handouts, or getting stuff for free/gift you dint buy yourself.
FeelzGoodMan420@eviltoast.org 2 months ago
No offense but it sounds like you’re insecure about your wealth compared to your son’s friends family. You’re going to have to get over it.
auraithx@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 months ago
Man I wish someone would try and create an unhealthy dynamic with me.
pinball_wizard@lemmy.zip 2 months ago
Me too. Is this the line for the unhealthy dynamic? Haha.
I guess I actually have had some friends like that - folks with access to tools or a boat or just a really helpful skill that they felt shared. They’re the best and I try to pay it forward.
Pudutr0n@feddit.cl 2 months ago
it could be or it it could just have been an attempt at a gift of something that kid knew your kid wanted with no forethought of how it may have been interpreted by someone with less resources by the parents who just mindlessly OKey it.
Seems like there’s no good way to know at the moment, really.
If your kid starts worshiping the rich kid and talking about his things all the time (which he might if rich kid has all the fun toys and is a decent friend) it may sway your kid a bit more towards materialism, but also offer valuable insight into the true value of wealth. I’m sure, given enough time, he, like many of us that have spent time with wealthy people, they will come to understand that a whole lot of money only fixes some kinds of problems, but also creates new ones.
If you detect a pattern of controlling behavior by the rich kid through what he gets your kid, that could also be a bit concerning, but again, don’t lose the potential valuable lesson from sight. It may be very good to be exposed to that kind of behavioral pattern at a young age if you’re gonna learn why to avoid it really well for the rest of your life.
I’d just let things play themselves out until the child themself expressed distress or concern about the other kid or started asking me for a bunch of stuff I couldn’t or didn’t want to afford.
Either way, it seems like a good faith, despite perhaps a bit thoughtless gift.