Comment on [deleted]
blarghly@lemmy.world 5 days agoSo, first off your example takes advantage of a common yet sexist belief…
I was trying to avoid the common knee jerk response people have to a young woman being with an older man. But fine, I’ll make it as controversial as possible - a fine young woman who is 18 years old, graduated high school and moved out of her parents house a week ago, puts on her nicest black leather collar and matching eyeliner and heads to the local kink house to find herself an over 50 daddy dom. She finds one, and they go on to have a wonderful relationship for 7 years until she decides she wants something else in life and they part amicably.
But younger women are objectively more beautiful than older women so why would anyone not want the youngest, prettiest woman they can get?
I would argue that this makes complete sense (assuming the individual in question actually does find younger women more attractive), so long as one is not actively pursuing long term romantic partnerships. As long as everyone is consenting and having a good time, I see no reason why two people can’t simply share a common carnal attraction to each other.
Meanwhile, nothing precludes two people with a significant age gap from having a lot in common despite their age difference. I have a friend who emancipated herself at 16 and immediately went to travel SE Asia for years on a shoestring budget. I have another friend has started his own contracting business at 23. People mature at different rates, and can be very interesting at a young age. Again, assuming everyone is a consenting adult who is happy with the relationship, I see no reason to shame them.
Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world 5 days ago
Again, as a wild no strings attached night of debauchery, sure, it could happen and no harm done. But, let’s be honest, if this is something they are doing often, that’s not really normal behavior, and is often a symptom of an underlying issue.
I find it much more likely in your scenario, that the older person is manipulating the other person’s depression or emotional trauma and that their relationship is dysfunctional.
I have a feeling that you were a very horny teenager.
Sorry, I’ll explain. If someone spent their teenage years obsessed with sex, and thinking about how they’d bang anything that would let them, they’d probably be more understanding of a teenager sleeping with a 50 year old. “I wish I even had that chance” they think so many years later.
blarghly@lemmy.world 5 days ago
Lol, guilty as charged. And the horniness has not really abated. I never wanted to fuck a 50 year old, but I definitely had some teachers I woulda been stoked to shack up with.
But I think it’s weird that you seem to be saying that this is weird. I am well aware of the fact that people who are asexual or who have a low sex drive exist, and I think their sexuality (or lack thereof, as it may be) should be legitimized and supported. But at the same time, I find it hard to believe that most other people aren’t approximately as horny as I am. Outside of bots, the majority of internet traffic is porn. People spend billions of dollars on sex and sex-adjacent pursuits, from dildos to ED drugs to gym memberships to strappy sports bras to hair plugs. As the old Oscar Wilde quote goes - “Everything in the world is about sex…”
So when someone starts talking about “X is just because of sex” or “Y is the thing we care about because it isn’t about sex”, what I think is “yeah, sex is important. Of course that’s what we’re talking about.” And denial or push back starts to sound like “my puritanical sex-negative upbringing has trained me to be uncomfortable talking about sex, so I’m going to delegitimize sexual desire as a significant factor in any interaction.”
Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world 5 days ago
That’s why I have the pass on a one night stand, but if you think a healthy 7 year relationship can develop from sex alone, you’ve got a lot to learn about relationships.
faythofdragons@slrpnk.net 5 days ago
As a counterpoint, I’ve been with my partner for 15 years, and we started as a one-night-stand. It’s backwards from how it usually happens, but he was particularly cool so I took him to breakfast the next morning, and then we got to know each other better. We became FWB, broke it off, dated other people, then got back together for real and haven’t quit since.
Yes, sex can’t be the only reason for love, but you can start there and find mutual interest after.
blarghly@lemmy.world 5 days ago
Yeah, I mean, a relationship is based on liking and respecting each other - an interest and respect which can develop out of time spent interacting based on physical attraction. Beyond that, a relationship can take any form that the involved parties choose.