Honestly I get it, I’ve been single for 11 years now. I went through a series of toxic relationships and the last one broke me. After her I decided to take a break from dating a try to figure out why I kept attracting only toxic women.
It’s been 11 years and I still haven’t figured it out, and now I’m in my 40’s and don’t really want to date again. What I’m trying to say is, take some time, heal, get your head straight, but get back out there sooner than later. It’s easy to fall into the “I’m happier single” mindset, but difficult to get out of.
It can be (just a wild guess) that you aren’t looking for a friend first, and then evaluating what would happen if you fucked a lot and lived together. When you go from the other end, things tend to end up damaging. You’re gameable, so it’s not only random at that point, but many will use you. (this goes the same for both (s)exes)
There were 5 that were toxic, the first one was a casual friend I ended up getting close with and started dating before we ever had sex. The next two were casual hookup partners that evolved into relationships, the fourth was actually a friend I had had since highschool and only started dating 15 years after graduation, and the fifth and final one was again a casual hookup that turned serious.
I admit as I wrote that out I saw the issue. In defense of the fourth one, she had some issues with her childhood, and the father of her children was … let’s just say not helping. We’ve reconnected after some time and are still friends, but agreed dating was a bad idea.
I really think it’s environmental that will get you bounce back. And if you’re in a pattern, break the pattern. Because once you change your environment, you will change yourself. To be honest, changing your environment is the only way to change yourself in my opinion. But there are realities to working class lives. And in a way, indirectly and hidden from plain sight, our freedom of movement is dictated by our ability to acquire capital. Like the children are only given a certain amount of calories in Gaza. “Put them on a diet” It gives the impression that the oppressors are merciful while at the same time, it kneecaps the liberation struggle. They do this to US in the workplace. They pay us enough to just get by. The whole life is dictated by our ability to just live in their obscure company town. Yet, there are still prison breaks, and there is hope that one day something will change, and if you make the right decisions, you can escape your fate to some degree. I just think about the allegory of the cave. I won’t be going back into that fucking cave. Fuck the self oppressor aka the coward. They didn’t listen before. Why would they listen now? It’s pearls before swine. I will not internalize the slave mind and the guilt of all those that stare at the dancing shadows on the wall. I will avoid the witch hunt by not being seen. Justice is always served. Thank God all men die.
Ps. You also might be living in a toxic culture.
Starting a family in, say, like America, to me just seems socially irresponsible. If I lived in the wild like humans used to, I would work with a collective of people and we would build a community where we could withstand the peaks and valleys of uncertainty, in line with natural law. There would be no patriarchy.
rabber@lemmy.ca 3 weeks ago
Never recovered at least thus far anyway
oppy1984@lemm.ee 3 weeks ago
Honestly I get it, I’ve been single for 11 years now. I went through a series of toxic relationships and the last one broke me. After her I decided to take a break from dating a try to figure out why I kept attracting only toxic women.
It’s been 11 years and I still haven’t figured it out, and now I’m in my 40’s and don’t really want to date again. What I’m trying to say is, take some time, heal, get your head straight, but get back out there sooner than later. It’s easy to fall into the “I’m happier single” mindset, but difficult to get out of.
KeenFlame@feddit.nu 3 weeks ago
It can be (just a wild guess) that you aren’t looking for a friend first, and then evaluating what would happen if you fucked a lot and lived together. When you go from the other end, things tend to end up damaging. You’re gameable, so it’s not only random at that point, but many will use you. (this goes the same for both (s)exes)
oppy1984@lemm.ee 3 weeks ago
There were 5 that were toxic, the first one was a casual friend I ended up getting close with and started dating before we ever had sex. The next two were casual hookup partners that evolved into relationships, the fourth was actually a friend I had had since highschool and only started dating 15 years after graduation, and the fifth and final one was again a casual hookup that turned serious.
I admit as I wrote that out I saw the issue. In defense of the fourth one, she had some issues with her childhood, and the father of her children was … let’s just say not helping. We’ve reconnected after some time and are still friends, but agreed dating was a bad idea.
andybytes@programming.dev 3 weeks ago
I really think it’s environmental that will get you bounce back. And if you’re in a pattern, break the pattern. Because once you change your environment, you will change yourself. To be honest, changing your environment is the only way to change yourself in my opinion. But there are realities to working class lives. And in a way, indirectly and hidden from plain sight, our freedom of movement is dictated by our ability to acquire capital. Like the children are only given a certain amount of calories in Gaza. “Put them on a diet” It gives the impression that the oppressors are merciful while at the same time, it kneecaps the liberation struggle. They do this to US in the workplace. They pay us enough to just get by. The whole life is dictated by our ability to just live in their obscure company town. Yet, there are still prison breaks, and there is hope that one day something will change, and if you make the right decisions, you can escape your fate to some degree. I just think about the allegory of the cave. I won’t be going back into that fucking cave. Fuck the self oppressor aka the coward. They didn’t listen before. Why would they listen now? It’s pearls before swine. I will not internalize the slave mind and the guilt of all those that stare at the dancing shadows on the wall. I will avoid the witch hunt by not being seen. Justice is always served. Thank God all men die. Ps. You also might be living in a toxic culture. Starting a family in, say, like America, to me just seems socially irresponsible. If I lived in the wild like humans used to, I would work with a collective of people and we would build a community where we could withstand the peaks and valleys of uncertainty, in line with natural law. There would be no patriarchy.
surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
You can do it!
Or don’t. Whatever life you want to live is fine. I’m not here to kink shame.
grrgyle@slrpnk.net 3 weeks ago
Damn I’m sorry to hear that.