My personal experience (recurring major depression since childhood & cluster C personality disorder): Near complete drug & alcohol abstinence (i was a real pothead starting the day with a bong hit, and drunk at least once, but more often 2-3 times a week - selfmedicating gets pretty selfdestructive after a while), a lot of time and more therapy. Medication is a stopgap measure or to smoothen mood swings; what really helped me regarding my depression (and a lot with my other issues) was a therapy session per week for the last 4 years, 1 visit to the psychiatrist per month, and 2 group therapy sessions per week.
And time helps! The older you get, the less wild your mood swings get. Starting from my 30s i noted a distinct reduction in the extend of my depressive phases, and with my 40s i was able to cut back on a lot of my medication (i still take Duloxetin and Lyrica).
But for me it was mostly finding the right therapist and keeping at it with him (i have serious issues with developing relationships; it’s far easier to “reset” things by not meeting people more than a few times) for years.
I am lucky that i am recognized by my social insurance system as not able to work, because i will never be stable enough to cope with the pressure of even a part time job for more than a few months before i am a mental wreck again. In the US i would probably be dead by now.
tweeks@feddit.nl 1 day ago
After 25 years of suicidal thoughts I’ve finally taken antidepressants, Zoloft was what worked for me.
In a couple of months the black thoughts became more rare and now in a year or so they are almost gone. I don’t feel the active need to kill myself any longer. Which feels… a bit uncanny almost. Not all in life is good, but this specific lack of despair is nice; still really bizarre to not have this endless dread any longer. I try to enjoy that while it lasts.
I did a lot of meditation as well with Headspace, can recommend that too.
Hope you find your way.
Psythik@lemm.ee 1 day ago
I’m glad that you found a medication works for you. Happy to hear that the dark thoughts are gone. I’ve been searching for over 20 years to no avail.
I’m not going to kill myself but I am tired, oh so tired. I just want to be able to wake up one day and feel like everything is okay, without immediately turning to substances the moment I wake up on a work day.
Tried sobriety for a month, and lost my job because of it. Without weed and Kratom I literally cannot function in the workplace. Some minor inconvenience happens; I lose my shit and quit. But when I’m buzzing everything is just fine. Not great, but good enough to get through the day. It’s pathetic. I just want to be able to feel good like my coworkers do naturally. I want to socialize and make friends instead of isolating myself all the time, even with drugs.
I’ll look into “Headspace”; thanks. (Is it an app?)