I am sorry for being the bearer of sad news. Suicidal thoughts are the most easily recognizable of the symptoms. And even if they are less persistent between major depressive episodes, a lot of us are still stuck with depression in one form or another for the rest of our lives.
Comment on I.... what?
epyon22@programming.dev 3 weeks agoLol I thought I was over my depression…but I guess I’ve been depressed my whole adult life.
squirrel@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 weeks ago
30p87@feddit.org 3 weeks ago
Well I know a permanent cure /s
a_wild_mimic_appears@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 weeks ago
i can at least tell you that the mood swings do get less the older you get. My 20s were by far the worst phase, the 30 started to get better and in my 40s i “mellowed out”, but it still hits me a few weeks per year.
If you have those thoughts without much of a break, i would really recommend getting a solid diagnosis (personality disorders? add/adhd?) and have a hard look at the stress factors in your life and how to cut back on them, ideally with a seasoned therapist.
MDCCCLV@lemmy.ca 3 weeks ago
When you can recognize thoughts are fleeting and smart enough to never report them on paper.
AngrySquirrel@lemm.ee 3 weeks ago
Yeah, that’s my plan, but I can’t while my parents are still alive, because it would make them sad.
Psythik@lemm.ee 3 weeks ago
You can “get over” depression? Please tell me how. I can’t find a single prescription pill nor therapist that helps, so I just vape live resin and shove Kratom powder down my throat to get through the day.
tweeks@feddit.nl 3 weeks ago
After 25 years of suicidal thoughts I’ve finally taken antidepressants, Zoloft was what worked for me.
In a couple of months the black thoughts became more rare and now in a year or so they are almost gone. I don’t feel the active need to kill myself any longer. Which feels… a bit uncanny almost. Not all in life is good, but this specific lack of despair is nice; still really bizarre to not have this endless dread any longer. I try to enjoy that while it lasts.
I did a lot of meditation as well with Headspace, can recommend that too.
Hope you find your way.
Psythik@lemm.ee 3 weeks ago
I’m glad that you found a medication works for you. Happy to hear that the dark thoughts are gone. I’ve been searching for over 20 years to no avail.
I’m not going to kill myself but I am tired, oh so tired. I just want to be able to wake up one day and feel like everything is okay, without immediately turning to substances the moment I wake up on a work day.
Tried sobriety for a month, and lost my job because of it. Without weed and Kratom I literally cannot function in the workplace. Some minor inconvenience happens; I lose my shit and quit. But when I’m buzzing everything is just fine. Not great, but good enough to get through the day. It’s pathetic. I just want to be able to feel good like my coworkers do naturally. I want to socialize and make friends instead of isolating myself all the time, even with drugs.
I’ll look into “Headspace”; thanks. (Is it an app?)
tweeks@feddit.nl 1 week ago
It’s tough, respect for holding on as you do.
Life’s not fair, not everyone has the mental stability that is required for a happy life. But we can hope to lessen the pain a bit.
Headspace is indeed an app, with a subscription (not sure what the free plan is, but it helped me so I didn’t care). You can also meditate yourself or with free YT videos of course, but this app worked better for me.
Take care, hope you find some relief.
a_wild_mimic_appears@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 weeks ago
My personal experience (recurring major depression since childhood & cluster C personality disorder): Near complete drug & alcohol abstinence (i was a real pothead starting the day with a bong hit, and drunk at least once, but more often 2-3 times a week - selfmedicating gets pretty selfdestructive after a while), a lot of time and more therapy. Medication is a stopgap measure or to smoothen mood swings; what really helped me regarding my depression (and a lot with my other issues) was a therapy session per week for the last 4 years, 1 visit to the psychiatrist per month, and 2 group therapy sessions per week.
And time helps! The older you get, the less wild your mood swings get. Starting from my 30s i noted a distinct reduction in the extend of my depressive phases, and with my 40s i was able to cut back on a lot of my medication (i still take Duloxetin and Lyrica).
But for me it was mostly finding the right therapist and keeping at it with him (i have serious issues with developing relationships; it’s far easier to “reset” things by not meeting people more than a few times) for years.
I am lucky that i am recognized by my social insurance system as not able to work, because i will never be stable enough to cope with the pressure of even a part time job for more than a few months before i am a mental wreck again. In the US i would probably be dead by now.
variants_of_concern@lemmy.one 3 weeks ago
That’s just the sane amount of depression