Comment on Am I a bad friend/rude for not engaging with my friends and giving one-word responses?

• CatDemons4@lemmings.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  I mean, I guess I do, but I’m terrible at socializing and also don’t like it

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  • TeamAssimilation@infosec.pub ⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    Socialization is a skill, not a gift. If you want to become strong, you have to work out at the gym, if you want to socialize, you have to interact more with people.

    Very few people are bad at socializing, they’re bad at making an effort to socialize, because it’s painful at the beginning, like working out.

    May be due to a traumatic experience, a pernicious environment, even plain laziness; but we are not set in stone, can change if we want to, and grown ups enough to live with the consequences if we don’t.

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    • CatDemons4@lemmings.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      Was this a better effort?

      “how are you?” “Listening to music.” “what band??” “Idk. Metallica or something” “what song from them? i love metallica” “Idk” —- “what are you up to today?” “Watching TV” “what show?” “Idk I can’t say”

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      • RicoPeru@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

        you don’t type like a 50 year old, you type like someone who’s not interested in having a conversation

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      • TeamAssimilation@infosec.pub ⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

        Of course not, if I was chatting with you I’d feel like I was bothering you.

        “How are you?”

        “Listening to music”

        “What band?”

        “It’s on shuffle, I think it’s Metallica”

        “What song from them? I live Metallica”

        “IDK, let me check. It’s ‘Sad But True’. I think it’s actually good”.

        —-

        “What are you up to today?”

        “Watching TV”

        “What show?”

        “It’s Rick and Morty, but don’t tell anyone”

        “Why?”

        “I’m don’t want others to think I’m an incel or something”

        My mom and mother-in-law are in their 80s, and they’re not great texters but you can tell they’re making an effort, and that counts a lot. It’s not about caring how well you text, but how a series of dry answers might make your friends feel like a nuisance.

        You need to “groom” others to care about you so they tolerate antisocial behaviors, but not all people can be groomed this way.

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      • AuroraGlamour@lemmy.ml ⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

        Not really better. How do you not know what you’re doing? Did the show just randomly come on when you turned on the TV/Metallica song came up in a playlist?

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    • CatDemons4@lemmings.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      Thank you so much. It’s probably a mix of depression and laziness then

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  • Onomatopoeia@lemmy.cafe ⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    If you don’t like socializing, you won’t have friends. Those things go hand-in-hand.

    Maybe examining why you feel this way about socializing would help. Do you really not enjoy all socializing, or just certain things?

    Socializing is a major part of life, you could almost say it’s “The Thing”. I’m not saying you need to go throw on a lampshade every day, just that we’re all engaging with each other every day. You may talk to a sibling for a while, then a friend, have lunch with a coworker, take a walk with someone from a class to discuss what you’re not getting.

    Without socializing, we may as well go live in a cave, and that’s not good (nor realistic).

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    • CatDemons4@lemmings.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      I guess I just feel more energized when I’m alone

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