To be fair, maybe fucking through a sheet IS the advanced sexual practice of the future and we’re missing out. I, for one, have never tried it. I tend to think I’m above it, because normal to me is the horrifying display of unfortunate nude bodies and their fluids clumsily flailing about until she gets upset for one reason or another. Maybe with a sheet, it’d be easier to picture something nice? Tell me more about the elders presiding over my breeding session?

Joking aside, I’m legitimately fascinated now. I know there was a reality show, but are there any more bookish sources about Amish sexual practices, or do you know more? I suddenly have questions.