Comment on How important is flirting within the dating scene?

Onomatopoeia@lemmy.cafe ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

• FatTony@lemm.ee ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

  Flirting is part of the process

  Okay and how big (would you say) is that part?

  It’s also a pretty broad term.

  Would you say that talking amicably, counts as flirting?

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  • kat@orbi.camp ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

    I feel like talking amicably just falls under being friendly by definition lol

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    • FatTony@lemm.ee ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

      “Hey, I really enjoyed that conversation, let’s meet for a coffee some day, how can I text you?”

      But if I sign it off like this. That would be a pretty clear subliminal message, right?

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      • kat@orbi.camp ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

        Not really, I would take it at face value. Unless the person sent some really strong signals. And even then I would just do the conclusion that requires the least assumptions, which is just friend vibes.

        But you can still be explicit afte the fact tho. I get is hard tho, since you have to be pretty vulnerable.

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      • pennomi@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

        Yeah that’s a decent way to start. Giving compliments is a great way to flirt! Saying something like “That was a great conversation, you’re easy to talk to” might even be a bit more flirty without putting yourself that much further out.

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  • Onomatopoeia@lemmy.cafe ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

    What counts is how the other person perceives it.

    Talking amicably is just being polite. Knowing how to say things “with a wink and a nudge” would be more flirting.

    Flirting occurs when you demonstrate attraction to someone indirectly or obliquely. Such indirectness creates tension, because we both know what I’m saying, but since I haven’t actually said it, there’s ambiguity.

    It can also be direct statements, but that doesn’t demonstrate that you understand the dance. And I really do mean dance. Dancing is all about connection, being able to stay connected to a dance partner when you’re moving apart, and sensing just when, and how firmly, to pull them back toward you. It’s like you have a rubber band between you. Feeling that tension in it when you’re far apart is exciting, releasing that tension by coming closer resolves it. Back and forth you go. Flirting is the same.

    Flirting should be a fun thing for you. Don’t view it as something you “just” have to do - it’s how we assess each other, it’s part of the process (it is a process, not a check box). It also never ends, just changes within a relationship.

    We do the same with non-romantic relationships, there it’s called small talk (or you could say we don’t move from small talk to flirting).

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