Comment on What is "forming questions in an affirmative voice?"
BassTurd@lemmy.world 2 weeks agoI think this example is used in the context that something preventable happened. You’re more likely to get a better response if asking in the former than the latter.
spankmonkey@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
The first is problem solving, the second is blaming.
The first is phrased in a way that is condescending for an adult.
BassTurd@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I didn’t think I agree that it’s condescending. To me it’s just your cause analysis. If I had people reporting to me, and someone fucked up, I would want to know how we’re going to prevent it from happening again. To me it’s just cutting to the chase and problem solving.
spankmonkey@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
The context is whether the person asking the question was involved in the process that went wrong and if the person who screwed up should know better. We are probably thinking of different situations, like how ‘bless your heart’ can be positive or negative depending on context.
If one person screwed up, saying ‘we’ comes across as patronizing because it generally means the person asking knew how to avoid the situation and expected the person who screwed up to know as well. Like if someone didn’t disconnect the power to a thing like they are supposed to because they were in a hurry and shocked themselves, saying ‘what should we do next time’ would be condescending. That would be very different than discovering a new fault in a group process and asking a team (adults) what should be done next time. “We found out that the plan to handle case Y didn’t work, how do you think we can prevent it next time” is not condescending because it is being asked to a group of adults (plural) for something new. “How do you think it can be avoided” would also not be condescending if asked for a single person.
It sounds nitpicky, but it is really nuance. Saying ‘we’ when the right thing is known is condescending for adults, but makes it easier for children who are learning to not take it so personally.
BassTurd@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I definitely agree, it’s all contextual. I worked in manufacturing for almost a decade which is very much process based. If something went wrong, we needed to know why so that it could be prevented.
A lot of the work I’ve done has been project based, and I usually think of the people involved as the team. Unless there’s an outlier, the general successes and failures are team wins and losses. These sort of questions obviously aren’t for all situations, but when used properly, it can bring about engagement. Even from critics, at least when given the floor to speak, they may reveal some truths that need addressing.
I have talked like this to children, which is good for them, but also condescendingly when I’ve felt it was warranted. I like to think in this situation it was a ‘moment to grow’ situation rather than condescension.