am i responsible if i hurt someone by leaving them after "making" them fall in love with me?

Comments

• immutable@lemm.ee ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  In general you can’t be responsible for someone else’s emotions.

  If you were having a casual relationship and the other person has big feelings you don’t reciprocate, that sucks but it’s not your fault.

  If, however, you reciprocate those feelings, or pretended to and led them on, then you do bear some responsibility.

  The actual salient question though is if you love this person that loves you. If not, you aren’t doing them any favors stringing them along. That person deserves to be loved like anyone else and you will be causing them more harm than good if you pretend you love them just to save them some heartbreak.

  The correct course of action is to be honest about how you feel and also recognize how your partner feels. Whether or not you intended them to fall in love with you, recognize that that is significant and your loss in their life will be painful. There’s no two ways about that, so be kind and compassionate to your partner.

  But do not fool yourself into thinking that what’s right is to just keep them around because you don’t want to break their hearts. If they love you, they want to be loved back, and if you can’t do that that’s fine.

  Pretending you love them so you won’t hurt them will cause the greatest pain of all.

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  • fuckyou1@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    your commend doesn’t address the situation:

    i’d love but i’d leave regardless

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    • immutable@lemm.ee ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      Explain your situation then.

      Sounds to me like you love your partner and they love you. You’d like to leave to go have other life experiences.

      It’s pretty easy, which do you value more, the love you have for your partner or these life experiences you could have?

      I don’t know you, but my guess is that if you are thinking about it enough to want to find an answer, then you already have your answer. You value the life experiences more, you care about your partner, and you don’t want to hurt them.

      I’ve been married to my wife for over a decade now, I love her with all my heart, I can’t think of any kind of life experience that would make me want to leave her. I imagine that love is not a binary on or off type thing that there are degrees and kinds of love. It’s very well possible that you love your partner but not enough to want to stay together forever.

      This is really a question that only you can answer. Which do you want to do, it’s your one life, you get to choose. But don’t stay with your partner because you are afraid of hurting them because if that’s why you stay, you will become bitter and resentful and the idea of “what could of been” will always be this perfect thing that they kept from you.

      Stay because you want to stay or leave because you’d rather leave.

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• gloktawasright@lemm.ee ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  You are if you were manipulating them. If you weren’t honest with them about your feelings and intentions, or if you intentionally did things to make them feel a certain way so you could get what you wanted. Or if there was a significant disparity of power between you two such as with large age gaps, particularly at younger ages, or with significant differences is wealth or within other constructed power dynamics such as a workplace.

  If you were open and honest both with your words and through your actions, and there was no significant power disparity, then it was their choice to set the boundaries that they did, and to accept the consequences of the relationship they chose.

  I think that’s the most I can say without more details.

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  • fuckyou1@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    hmm so i’m all good if i tell them i’d have to leave them

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    • gloktawasright@lemm.ee ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      Well “all good” is subjective and depends on lots of factors, but generally I would say amongst consenting adults, as long as you’re open and honest, then there isn’t a moral dilemma caused by a relationship having a known expiration date.

      The best time to tell them is as soon as possible. The longer you wait, the more morally dubious it becomes imo. I think there can be some exceptions to that based on things like personal crises of the person being broken up with, but in general I would say that it is not your job to protect another adult from information they may find upsetting. It is patronizing to do this, and by contrast, the most respectful thing you can do is be politely and compassionately honest with them as soon as you can.

      Don’t be rude about it, but if you’re situation is something along the lines of “I enjoy this relationship but I know that it will not work for me long term” then you should tell them that as nicely but as clearly as possible, and as soon as you can so that they aren’t being lead on.

      If they accept that, and you both choose to continue until the expiration date, then there’s nothing wrong with that. If instead your partner decided that means the relationship is no longer worth their time and effort, that’s a perfectly reasonable response and you should do your best to part ways amicably, or transition your relationship into whatever form is most desirable to both of you under those new terms, ie friends with benefits, just friends, or simply exes of whatever level of estrangement.

      That’s my advice at least. Again, it’s more generalized as I don’t know the specifics of the relationship.

      But generally speaking, the ethics of relationships comes down to consent, and that is only possible when both parties are informed.

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• cheese_greater@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  How do you define the “human experience”?

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  • Cloaca@mtgzone.com ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    I’d recommend blocking this user and moving on.

    Some of the text that was quoted in their deleted post does not pass the ick test for me. The subject of the deleted post is also a good indication of the person’s mindset.

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    • cheese_greater@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      Ick what a weirdo. Good call

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    • Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      I’ve been paying attention to this one as well.

      It’s kind of like driving past an accident. It’s horrifying, but I can’t look away.

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  • fuckyou1@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    hint. when you connect with someone you create life within life

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