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Comments

• RedditWanderer@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  if you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment

  Markus Aurelius

  You yearn for what could have been, and it’s hard to accept what is. If there is really no benefit, you should removed your estimate of them

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• nimble@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  Hello, I’m very sorry you have had to experience this.

  I got kicked out at 16. For me it wasn’t so much missing my specific parents, but i just missed the parents i didn’t have. You know, the ideal parents that existed only in my head; the ones that told me they’re proud of me, they support my choices, they accept me, they love me.

  But beyond that i think at least for some of us it is normal to want to remember the good things despite the bad things, and it can be normal to miss those good things. My advice is to remember the person as a whole and tell yourself you’re better than how they treated you. You’re worth more than that. It hurts, but if they really loved you then they wouldn’t kick you out over something so trivial as your boyfriend being Hungarian.

  It’s up to you if you want to keep the door open. I personally did and gave them room to talk to me and apologize. We talked superficially occasionally but they never did apologize before dying. i just accepted they were shit parents long ago so their deaths were just like any other day.

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• 14th_cylon@lemm.ee ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  transferring is very difficult and bureaucratic

  Very difficult is not impossible. Do what you can not to waste that year. Once you drop out it is very easy to stay dropped and it can change your life forever. You may regret that in a future but it will be to late to fix that.

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  • warmwinter@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    [deleted]

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    • Droggelbecher@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      I admire the way you can frame something that might be considered a bad thing into a good thing. That’s a good life skill to have. Best of luck to you.

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• foggy@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  Sorry about what you’re going through.

  You miss your parents because they gave you love of some kind, whether or not it was the right kind, all your life. The same reason people don’t leave their abusive partners.

  As for school, if you’re in the US just take your GED, if you feel up for it. You may be done with high school earlier than you would’ve otherwise! It will save you a year of social obnoxiousness while you’re going through something difficult. And if your goal is college, just be sure to weave in your story in your application essays and you’re a shoe-in. Idk, college boards eat stories like this up, so hey, silver lining!

  What your parents did, as per your description, is wrong. I think most people can agree with this. You’re right to be confused. Sorry youre going through this. Just know your confusion is valid, your pain is valid. You’re right to be upset with the way they treated you and you’re right to stand your ground on being with the people who you love.

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  • Valmond@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    I missed my parents and they never gave any love to anyone except themselves.

    I bet it’s longing for the dream of okay or good parents that makes us (or made, as I’m so over it) miss “them”.

    Then you meet up and nah they’re still narcissistic angry people without any kind of good in them.

    It’s like sprite. You don’t have one in ten years, so you start to wonder why, and then you remember when you buy one…

    Good luck OP, you made the first and maybe the hardest step already.

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• Firebirdie713@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  Anything that was a major thing in your life, good or bad, can be missed in some way once it is gone. The trick is to remember that quite a bit of that feeling is missing the predictably of daily life, not necessarily missing the thing itself.

  I was also kicked out, though it was during my college years, and there are still times I find myself missing my parents, even almost 10 years later. The feeling isn’t as strong, and it is mostly just me lamenting the fact that I will not have a lot of experiences most people consider universal, such as having family to visit for holidays, or having someone to talk to noatger what you have going on in your life.

  It is a bit like grief. The parents you thought you had are gone, even if they are physically living, and you had no choice in the matter. The feeling will come and go, it will change over time. But it will get easier.

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  • Vorticity@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    What you said and your statement that “it’s a bit like grief” are dead on. I wasn’t kicked out by my parents, but I lost my dad when I was 27. I’m 40 now and still miss him but the feeling dwindles with time. I’ll always miss him but the impact of that feeling will always lessen as I gain more experiences. I suppose the same is true for any trauma of a similar magnitude. I imagine there are traumas that surpass the loss of parents in magnitude, though, and some of those may not pass in the same way.

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• rowinxavier@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  Yep, missing people who hurt you sucks. I have had that experience, it sucked a lot and took years to get through, but now I don’t miss them at all. Honestly losing them was a great thing for me in the long run and it was a good opportunity to learn who I was and what I could do. I left at 17, never finished high school, but went on to have a great relationship with my now spouse, we worked together to raise her younger brothers from 12 through to 18, we have a cat who is an asshole that I love dearly, and we have moved more than a thousand kms away from my toxic trash family. I am happy now, you can be happy, this is just a shitty, bumpy start and it will be confusing, but the emotional systems you have will recalibrate and you will not miss them the same way you do now. Honestly I just regret for them that they couldn’t see how silly they were being and how much they hurt myself and my siblings.

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• small44@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  I think it is just the fact that it’s your family. It’s natural for people to have loving parents. So you can stop thinking about wanting them to love you and not treat you terribly

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• Horsey@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  My parents were mentally and physically abusive to me (CPS was called to our house multiple times and my father was on a registry with the state). I truly did not understand what was happening to me and my feelings until I was in my mid 20s. Deprogramming from abuse takes time.

  I’m not suing you were abused or your situation is similar to mine, I’m just trying to illustrate that even when you logically look at things, your emotional feelings may not match up right away.

  Best of luck to you.

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• Dagwood222@lemm.ee ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  It’s genetics.

  Go back to caveman days. The people who had strong family bonds were more likely to work together and get through the bad times. The people who struck out on their own weren’t going to survive long enough to reproduce.

  Thousands of generations later we still have the same desire to keep in touch with the people who raised us, even if it’s no longer a relevant survival strategy.

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• IDKWhatUsernametoPutHereLolol@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  Its called separarion anxiety. Its probably very common. I mean you spend so much time with someone that you got used to it, and anh changes to that would disrupt the familiarity you had.

  Its the same reason why people in romantic relationships stay in their relationship even when it gets abusive.

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