My parents were mentally and physically abusive to me (CPS was called to our house multiple times and my father was on a registry with the state). I truly did not understand what was happening to me and my feelings until I was in my mid 20s. Deprogramming from abuse takes time.

I’m not suing you were abused or your situation is similar to mine, I’m just trying to illustrate that even when you logically look at things, your emotional feelings may not match up right away.

Best of luck to you.