A pallet of tissues for when their spouse and entire family disowns them.

A good lawyer to defend them when they lash out and commit various crimes.

A little American flag to wave patriotically as they destroy this country.

A wheelbarrow to carry all of your cash to the grocery store as inflation is about to explode.

Solar panels, compost pile, and an outhouse because basic infrastructure like electricity, plumbing, and waste removal are at risk of budget cuts and mismanagement.

A tutor for the children as education is getting deep cuts soon.

A good therapist to help work through all of that cognitive dissonance.

A bicycle as the price of gas will skyrocket.

A standard dictionary as basic terms and concepts elude them.

A back brace as you’re going to have to pick your own crops from now on.