Just answer every phone call with “Hello, this is ham.” And then onwards, every single sentence you say…is about ham. But also completely unhelpful to the conversation.

“Well, Hello Mr Ham. I’m just calling today to let you know about this great oppertunity from our next presidident, Donald Trump.”

“Ham is sometimes salty”

“Uhhhh…Well, Mr Trump is seeking donations from real american patriots like yourself”

“Give me ham.”

“Ham?”

“HAM!!!”

“I don’t understand, are you saying Ham, like the food?”

“ALL THE HAM IN MY MOUTH!!!”

“Ok…we can get you some ham. We just need a donation of $50.00 today.”

“Ham runs all my descisions.”

“I…don’t understand.”

“Yes, this is ham. Can I cheese you? Right in the ham?”

“Are you ok?”

“Ham.”

This should preferably go on for 10 hours.