Really‽ Can you help me understand how? I’m not offended in anyway at all. I would just like to gain some awareness of how my communication is perceived by others, so I think it would be helpful for me to understand your perspective. I know that people can be reserved because they feel cautious with intercultural topics, so if you feel more comfortable, feel free to DM instead. Whatever works for you 🙂
you are trying to be very neutral, you try to put your ego aside, you try to weigh every tiny aspect of the thing that bothers you, you seem very logical about it, you dont know how to prioritze in importan or not important, you DID assess the social situation expertly and correct, you bothered doing that in the first place, you seem big on truth and justice, you tried to help the dude out of compassion because you obviously had or have communication problems yourself,
you have been manipultaded because you are naive as shit, took you decades to learn to say no and set boundaries.
and bla bla bla
one tip: a no has to have consequences. really think about it, you have to follow up you no with action, its very important.
its not your communication per se that reminds ME of autism, but your way with dealing with situations.
thanks and take care, you are a cool dude (or dudette)
watch out for:
friends don’t accept no, try to convince you (once in a while that okay… its hard to sniff out)
people argue via the benefits YOU will have, without mentioning THEIR benefits, and you don’t even want the benefits they are trying to sell you
you defend people in your friend group, people never defend you
people always seem ok with interrupting you, no one bothers to put a stopgap in, so you can finish what you have in mind
let people talk, while thinking. people will tell you who they are, but you have to give yourself space to really listen to them.
mostly, their words dont fit into their actions.
look out for key phrases - one might be: "So you are saying? " this is usually followed by a thing you did not say at all. another might be: “I am so sorry you feel that way.”
train your self for these key phrases, ALARMS have to go on in your head. Have a script ready.
What i do for the “so you are saying” is the following:
I bid them politely and soft spoken to repeat the question, as soon as they are past 3 words, I interrupt them really loud and aggressive with:
“NO, I DID NOT SAY THAT AT ALL!”
then I shut up and stare. I say nothing. the other guy has to say something first. it is a powerstruggle.
You can’t do that with a pro, but most people are not used to that. A pro will see instantly see what is going on, and put you down, it is inevitable.
learn in what situation you are in.
combative, social, competetive, diplomacy or bartering. dont make my mistake, each and every situation was always social for me.
other people dont perceive it like that.
ok, I am glad you pulled yourself up by your bootstraps. (figure of speech)
BackOnMyBS@lemmy.autism.place 2 years ago
Really‽ Can you help me understand how? I’m not offended in anyway at all. I would just like to gain some awareness of how my communication is perceived by others, so I think it would be helpful for me to understand your perspective. I know that people can be reserved because they feel cautious with intercultural topics, so if you feel more comfortable, feel free to DM instead. Whatever works for you 🙂
addictedtochaos@lemm.ee 2 years ago
you are trying to be very neutral, you try to put your ego aside, you try to weigh every tiny aspect of the thing that bothers you, you seem very logical about it, you dont know how to prioritze in importan or not important, you DID assess the social situation expertly and correct, you bothered doing that in the first place, you seem big on truth and justice, you tried to help the dude out of compassion because you obviously had or have communication problems yourself,
you have been manipultaded because you are naive as shit, took you decades to learn to say no and set boundaries.
and bla bla bla
one tip: a no has to have consequences. really think about it, you have to follow up you no with action, its very important.
its not your communication per se that reminds ME of autism, but your way with dealing with situations.
thanks and take care, you are a cool dude (or dudette)
BackOnMyBS@lemmy.autism.place 2 years ago
wowwwww~ thank you! I’m saving this comment.
addictedtochaos@lemm.ee 2 years ago
thanks a lot ;-)
remember saying no has to have consequences!
watch out for: friends don’t accept no, try to convince you (once in a while that okay… its hard to sniff out)
people argue via the benefits YOU will have, without mentioning THEIR benefits, and you don’t even want the benefits they are trying to sell you
you defend people in your friend group, people never defend you
people always seem ok with interrupting you, no one bothers to put a stopgap in, so you can finish what you have in mind
let people talk, while thinking. people will tell you who they are, but you have to give yourself space to really listen to them.
mostly, their words dont fit into their actions.
look out for key phrases - one might be: "So you are saying? " this is usually followed by a thing you did not say at all. another might be: “I am so sorry you feel that way.”
train your self for these key phrases, ALARMS have to go on in your head. Have a script ready.
What i do for the “so you are saying” is the following:
I bid them politely and soft spoken to repeat the question, as soon as they are past 3 words, I interrupt them really loud and aggressive with:
“NO, I DID NOT SAY THAT AT ALL!”
then I shut up and stare. I say nothing. the other guy has to say something first. it is a powerstruggle.
You can’t do that with a pro, but most people are not used to that. A pro will see instantly see what is going on, and put you down, it is inevitable.
learn in what situation you are in.
combative, social, competetive, diplomacy or bartering. dont make my mistake, each and every situation was always social for me.
other people dont perceive it like that.
ok, I am glad you pulled yourself up by your bootstraps. (figure of speech)
i had a hard time also. i whish you a good week!