Comment on Anon is asking the difficult questions
pixxelkick@lemmy.world 3 months ago
Easily #1, but that’s because they worded it as what her current interests are.
Just be interesting yourself, and put the work into finding out what about her interests are actually interesting. People find things interesting for a reason.
No one is actually boring, if you find someone boring it just means you dont understand them yet. Pay attention, listen, and try to see it through their eyes and maybe you’ll find their “boring” interests aren’t so boring after all, you just didnt “see” it fully yet to appreciate it.
And, typically, if you put the work into showing interest in whatever they are into, they’ll reciprocate.
Also, there’s infinite room for the two of you to both find new interests neither of you had before that now you both can share.
When my fiance and I started dating years ago, neither of us gave a shit about birds… but now that we live in a place with lots of cool random birds we can spot, and we go for walks everyday, we actually stop and go “holy shit what kind of bird is that, I dont recognize it” or “holy fuck are those pelicans? I didnt even know we got pelicans here!” etc etc.
The other day out of the blue when we were chilling at a nearby water reservoir watching a duck, a whole ass fuckin pelican came outta nowhere and swooped down, splashing into the water and sniped a random fish, then burst up with it in its mouth like… 2 feet in front of us. It was a pretty big “holy shit did that just happen?” moment.
If we hadn’t been sitting there just enjoying watching a duck, we never would’ve gotten to see that pelican.
So, you know, maybe there’s no such thing as “normie” interests, or a “boring” person. You might be the boring one if anything, because you can’t understand why people love something and get interested in it…
drosophila@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 months ago
I think you might be underestimating the intensity of some people’s interests and how much of their being is defined by them, especially non-neurotypical people.
Boxscape@lemmy.sdf.org 3 months ago
I enjoyed reading your examples and wouldn’t mind reading a few more.
drosophila@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 months ago
I mean it’s basically anything that massively affects your living situation or how you outwardly present / function as a person.
Want to live in a hole in the desert, or a cabin in the woods, or in a semi-legal squat? It would be pretty hard to maintain a relationship with a partner whose not also into living that way.
Want to convert the interior of your house to look like a Star Trek set? Better find someone that wants to live on the USS Enterprise.
Are you into extreme body modification? Better find someone whose alright with their partner surgically altering themselves to look like a Klingon.
There are also plenty of interests that are just risky or disruptive, like doing urban exploration, running a home chemistry lab, building tesla coils, etc. Tesla coils are just loud, urban exploration can get you arrested (though it’s unlikely anything of consequence will actually happen to you), and two of the amateur chemistry YouTube channels I watch have been raised by the police because the amount of glassware they bought set off an alarm (neither of them were charged with anything though). If you do any of those and your partner isn’t interested in them at all I can’t imagine that not being a pain point, considering that risk/disruption is also on top of you spending significant time / energy / cash on a hobby they have nothing to do with.
Finally, there are more benign hobbies like through hiking or immersive historical reenactment where, if your partner’s not coming with you, they’d have to be okay with you disappearing for weeks at a time and not being able to talk to them.
Xenny@lemmy.world 3 months ago
You saw the time knife
pixxelkick@lemmy.world 3 months ago
Reread the post.
“Doesn’t share an interest with you” isn’t the same as “actively dislikes your interests”