Comment on Lemmy is the best social media
Cowbee@lemmy.ml 1 week agoHere’s a good reddit thread over on r/asktransgender.
Chasers are dangerous to the trans community and turn people into fetish objects, rather than recognizing them as people. It ignores the desires of trans individuals who wish to be seen as the gender they identify with and explicitly chases trans individuals for their being trans.
Ie, a transwoman is pursued for being a transwoman and not for being a woman.
Cryophilia@lemmy.world 1 week ago
Hey that was me back when I had a kbin account. I’m the account in the screenshot.
That was a direct response to someone asking if I would have sex with a trans man. I got accused of being a chaser for saying “sure, I guess, pre-transition” (the first part) and being a transphobe for saying “but I’m not sexually attracted to dicks” (the second part). Note those two accusations are more or less mutually exclusive, but it doesn’t matter because they’re both deeply, incredibly stupid accusations. The mods and admins of blahaj pointed out how incredibly stupid the accusations were, and some people didn’t like being called stupid, so they went back to hexbear. And continued to be stupid.
Omniraptor@lemm.ee 1 week ago
To use an analogy, imagine you’re fat and trying to lose weight. Someone admits they are attracted to you, “sure, as long as you’re still fat”. Can you see how this would not be a good basis for a healthy relationship?
Omniraptor@lemm.ee 1 week ago
So yeah, I can see why a queer friendly instance would defederate an instance whose admins promote/defend that sort of rhetoric. Hexbear might have jumped the gun (as I told them at the time) but the blahaj admins weren’t great either
Cryophilia@lemmy.world 1 week ago
Yeah, if you’re deeply stupid. Or, as you suggested, so traumatized by life that you have no understanding of normal human interrepationships. Just because you are open to the idea of having sex with a fat person, that does not make you a chubby chaser. That’s not at all what that means.
In your analogy, the proper response for the fat person would be “that makes me feel bad” and NOT “you are a bad person”. Take some ownership for your feelings. People are allowed to have sexual preferences. That is 100% normal. If it’s triggering for you, then it’s on you to manage your response, not lash out.
Understatement of the year. I think we need to acknowledge that some trans communities can get extremely toxic. Woe unto you if you get caught in their crosshairs for whatever reason. Sure, this may stem from trauma or transphobia/discrimination, but we shouldn’t pretend it’s not a thing.
My pet theory is that trans people are excluded from so many groups that groups of trans people by necessity get very insular. And insular groups tend towards shittiness, almost universally.
Omniraptor@lemm.ee 1 week ago
It’s not just being attracted, it’s being attracted conditional on the person having x characteristic (that they might not even want to have). That’s the definition of fetishizing/objectifying.
I will grant that this is more of an issue for relationships than for more casual stuff. As a wise woman once said- chasers are gross, but they also help pay her rent, so really it’s impossible to say if they’re bad or not.
AVincentInSpace@pawb.social 1 week ago
Some people like being fat. Some people like being women.
A person who likes bobs and vagene entering a committed relationship with a trans man would be toxic. Ditto for a person who likes fat people entering a committed relationship with someone who is trying to lose weight. That said, firstly, I don’t see anything wrong with a one-night stand for either of those scenarios, which is what the original question was, and secondly, more importantly, you’d have to stretch really hard to say that a person who’s into a little chub and a person who’s perfectly happy having a little chub entering a committed relationship is in any way problematic.
Omniraptor@lemm.ee 1 week ago
Ok I went and looked it up, the original question in the screenshot was about specifically dating and specifically trans men. Not a one night stand, and not someone who likes being a woman
Cowbee@lemmy.ml 1 week ago
To be clear, being a chaser is transphobic.
Cryophilia@lemmy.world 1 week ago
Sure, depending on how you define chaser, but it’s not applicable here.
Iapar@feddit.de 1 week ago
How is it not transphile?
Cowbee@lemmy.ml 1 week ago
Because chasers undermine the expressed gender identity of trans individuals for the sake of their own sexual pleasure. Calling it “transphilic” is just semantical wordplay that dismisses the inherently predatory nature of chasers.
Ilovethebomb@lemm.ee 1 week ago
It sounds like the polar opposite to me.