Fuck, I didn’t even learn enough Hebrew to read from the Torah for my Bar Mitzvah.

I used a transliterated crib sheet.

The Rabbi (my cousin), when he found out, took me aside and said, “they won’t know what you did out there today, but GOD KNOWS!”

I was an atheist then and I’m an atheist now, so I didn’t give a fuck. I had a bar mitzvah to please my grandparents and get some presents and then nope the fuck out of religion for the rest of my life.