Comment on Anon has nerdy hobbies

• mynachmadarch@kbin.social ⁨7⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  It can often be how you go about it. If you just dive in and start talking to them, even if well intentioned and you literally do just want to talk to someone new about whatever, because of all those past experiences of guys only trying to do that to get with them, they'll see you as probably just another one of those creepos.

  It's a dance, and it's an annoying one at times for sure, and it takes practice. If you can recall the last time you tried to strike up a conversation, or next time it happens, afterwards, really stop and think about it from the other person's perspective. If you know a woman you trust, try asking her to go over the whole interaction with you.

  In college I was a major incel neckbeard loser and truly was the epitome of the green text above. I'm not proud of it. I took a chance and asked a few women I knew why I kept being single and lonely and if they could advise. They did exactly that for me. Took me through some of my interactions, explained where I went wrong, and helped me reframe my thoughts. I now am pretty much always able to strike up a conversation wherever I'm at.

  TL:DR - find someone you trust to walk you through the why. You got this

  source

  • someacnt_@lemmy.world ⁨7⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    I see, maybe that was it, even tho I did not have intention to get accustomed to. Btw idk why I am downvoted that much, do people think I am lying? Huh. I thought it was possible to be interested in becoming friends, even tho it is towards women…

    source

    • mynachmadarch@kbin.social ⁨7⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Sure there's people out there who will avoid you based on looks but usually though it's something else. If you're confident, kind, and properly socializing, then looks often don't matter.

      The thing about looks that matter is how you present yourself. Keep up the hygiene, keep your clothes cleaned, and just present your best self as a person.

      I say this as a fat dude who hasn't bought new clothes in 10+ years and even then bought what I liked not what was in style. I still do just fine. For us men, our look is in our attitude.

      You seem like you really want to find the answer to getting out there but you're getting in your own head. Just let it slide, go have fun, don't focus on other people, don't worry about past slip ups once you've learned from them, maybe find a mentor. You do that, and the rest will happen. It just takes time and patience.

      source