Comment on Anon has an asexual gf

• other_cat@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Most people define demisexual as not feeling sexual attraction until you get to know someone better, after which that bond/intimacy allows you to start feeling sexual attraction.

  But the ace community has a LOT of labels and everything I’ve seen is that we’re pretty relaxed on them. Call yourself whatever makes sense to you; you’re probably going to have to explain it anyway! lol

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• WalrusDragonOnABike@reddthat.com ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Demisexuality is under the asexuality umbrella, so it should seem relatable.

  If you do experience sexual attraction towards those you are close to then that would be demi. If you want to have sex despite lack of sexual attraction, then that would be black-stripe ace.

  The food analogy is the comparison I’ve seen people use to explain what sexual attraction is. Hunger is like libido and has little to nothing to do with sexual attraction. Sexual attraction would be like when someone brings out a fresh cake and you need to have a piece even if you just ate and are not hungry. I guess demi in this analogy would mean you wouldn’t feel that way unless you already knew that specific dessert well. But if you just eat tasty desserts when you are bored, because you like the taste but don’t have the mouthwatering reaction to it being presented, because the person who made it is important to you and you feel eating it’s a way to bond with them, etc, you could still be a black-stripe ace.

  That said, what counts as sexual attraction has confused me a lot despite spending a fair bit of time reading people trying to explain it.

  Anyways, if demi is a functionally useful label, there no need to change. In-practice real-world usefulness of language is more important than weirdos on the Internet trying to be precise in the meanings of words.

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• Fosheze@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

  I actually just saw this (app being screwy). To answer your question I also identify as demi. It’s just that demi is a microlabel under the ace umbrella and allos usually don’t know what demisexuality is so unless I’m in a specifically ace community I just identify as ace to keep things simple. Demi is also basically just “ace until proven otherwise” so the difference in nonexistent for anyone I’m not already in a relationship with.

  There’s also the fact that I’m still not sure if I really feel sexual attraction in the demi way or if I just crave intimacy with someone I am otherwise attracted to and sex is one of the most intimate things you can do with someone. I’m strongly leaning towards the latter but it’s a tricky distinction to make. I can want to have sex with someone but for me that desire doesn’t feel much different from wanting to cuddle with them nonsexually. So when it comes to my actual behavior I fit the demi label better but when it comes to how I think then I actually fit the asexual label better.

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  • absentbird@lemm.ee ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

    That’s a great explanation, thank you!

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