You ever feel hungry but you’re not sure what to eat so you stare blankly into the fridge hoping something takes your fancy, but you’re not really craving anything because you never really get cravings. But you are hungry, so you want to eat something, so you have a choice, you can grab a protein shake because it’s quick, easy, and a pragmatic solution, but that gets boring when that’s always your “go to” when you’re hungry. Or you could order a decadent meal to enjoy, since you’re not really craving anything so you might as well set yourself up for a pleasurable experience.
Now replace being hungry with being horny.
You’re horny, but you don’t have any attraction to any options, and you never have. You could go for the pragmatic approach with masturbation. Or you could find someone that you think is a great person in all the important (non sexual) ways, and have sex with them because sex with fun people is fun, even if there’s nothing about that person (or any person) who flicks the sexual attraction switch.
Rai@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 months ago
I’m queer and fully agree
Makeshift@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
My sexual preference Is “no” and I have to say that instead of asexual because sexual people have decided that the prefix “a” in front of the word “sexual” does not mean “not sexual”.
What used to be safe spaces for people whose sexual preference is “no” are now filled with people whose sexual preference is “yes, but I don’t feel horny by looking at people”.
And if anyone dare speaks up they get bullied, called acephobic, and told to just accept asexual people are sexual too and how dare we say please use a different label for that.
I am far from the only one who’s noticed this. It also leads to things like romantic asexuals (people who want a romantic relationship just without sex) having a harder time than they already did because people are learning “Oh your ace? But you’ll have sex for ME, right?”
WalrusDragonOnABike@reddthat.com 2 months ago
Why can’t aces be both? The “sexual” in sexual orientations has always referred to attraction. Sex repulsed aces are like victim-playing US Christians in most of the interactions I see. They bully and make fun of anyone who has sex and then play the victim when asked to not insult others.
Makeshift@sh.itjust.works 4 weeks ago
Why does it have to be both?
Why do other orientations get to be easy to understand, but the ones that just want to say ‘no’ absolutely must be comfortable in the same label as yet another ’yes’?
What is wrong with having graysexuality and asexuality be as separate as homosexuality and heterosexuality?
Why do people want to force others to be comfortable with what they’re not comfortable with?
Why is it so important to dismiss and erase people who just don’t have a sexuality that it’s acceptable to take over their one safe word and sexualize it?
I genuinely find antisex spaces more welcoming than asexual spaces and I hate that. Because people born without sexuality often don’t care about other people having sex. It’s normal, it’s natural, it’s fine, it’s just not our thing. So why do people insist on sexual themes in a community started to be safe for those who are just born not sexual?
Many of us already feel broken when we don’t get horny as teens. Yes, we’re freaks. We’re weirdos. We’re biological failures.
We create a space to feel not broken. To vent among others born the same. So why take that away? Why take away the one safe term for people who already struggle with feeling like something is wrong with them by coming in and saying that people who DO like sex are the same label and the ones who don’t want sex at all are outsiders among outsiders?
It hurts. It genuinely hurts to finally find others like you, to then be told that no, you’re still a weird broken minority even in this supposedly “fitting” label.
Why is it so important to have a special label that it’s worth hurting the people it was made for to make sure more people can claim it?
mortimerkahn@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
If you’re queer you should be supporting us aces, not acting like we’re some sort of anomaly yeah? It may not be your cuppa but we’re all on the same side here