It’s not a perfect comparison, but the point is that these are people who are simply being extremely polite in response to avoid the potential threat of violence, and the other party is the one who has an undue likelihood of perpetrating that violence.

In both cases, the violence is the bigotry, not the worry about who might inflict that bigotry.

Some - wrong - people might say that black men worrying about being killed by a cop is racism because they are acting on information about their race. These are presumable the same people saying women are sexist for worrying about male violence. As always, noticing bigotry is in fact not the real bigotry.