This is so bad… Pls dont take this advise. Being toxic is obviously always very Bad.
Comment on What should I do if my girlfriend doesn’t listen?
mechoman444@lemmy.world 2 days ago
I love all the comments that are just like, “Break up with her.” It’s just that easy.
I love comment sections that offer life-altering advice to anonymous strangers on the internet. Do you really think this person hasn’t considered breaking up with her? The reason he made the post in the first place is probably because he’s already thought about it. That’s not what this person is asking about.
How about offering some actual advice?
There are multiple things you can do here, but I think the one that’s going to be most effective is to enrage her. Yes, you want to make her angry and upset because those are the emotions she’s trying to avoid. She doesn’t want to feel angry or upset. She wants to be happy, and she doesn’t want to deal with your emotions.
So just do what I do with my wife: shut down. It absolutely infuriates her. Stay silent. Don’t engage. Remove yourself from the situation. Make yourself unseen. I promise you, that will force her to confront you, and then you can start discussing what you want in earnest.
Sometimes people are just like this. They need to be pushed in a negative direction to achieve a positive result. Don’t be afraid to do this. You don’t have to be nice. You’re not obligated to be nice.
And remember one very important thing: just because you or she have feelings, even strong ones, doesn’t automatically validate those feelings. Sometimes feelings are misplaced and produce negative emotions and situations. That’s just humanity. That’s just how things are.
Be strategic. Be manipulative. The straightforward approach apparently doesn’t work, so do whatever does.
Now, understand that I have just given you terrible advice. But it will be effective, so use this information and strategy however you see fit.
Rumo161@feddit.org 2 days ago
mechoman444@lemmy.world 1 day ago
I expressly indicated that my advice was terrible.
It’s still better than just break up with her…
Breezy@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Oh fuck yeah is it terrible advice. But it does work. Giving both of you the opportunity to lash out is rather relaxing when everything now adays is all pent up.
SippyCup@lemmy.world 1 day ago
This is singularly some of the worst advice I’ve ever seen.
mechoman444@lemmy.world 1 day ago
It wasn’t meant to be good advice, just effective.
phoenixz@lemmy.ca 2 days ago
You started well and then, well, went a bit off the rails?
This sounds more like a good fit for a relationship counselor that can help OP communicate with his gf. That would be a whole lot better than becoming manipulative and shut down
I feel that you too may benefit from counseling, reading what you just wrote
mechoman444@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Yeah, I know. I’ve been in counseling pretty much my whole life. That’s fine.
The caveat is that, for some reason, we’re all expected not only to do the right thing but also to be morally adept in absolutely everything we do.
But the issue here is this: What happens when that doesn’t work? What if the solution requires something more aggressive, something that isn’t necessarily positive or pleasant?
Sometimes the best way to move forward is through confrontation. Sometimes you need to lash out, have an angry explosion, or force a difficult conversation that could ultimately be beneficial for both parties.
What’s significantly worse is simply telling OP to break up with his girlfriend, move on, and find someone better. That’s truly horrendous advice. It doesn’t benefit either party in any meaningful way, especially considering that we don’t even know these people or the circumstances surrounding their relationship.
So what’s the best advice to give here? He’s already been nice. He’s already tried talking to her. He’s already expressed himself in a way that should make his feelings clear, and yet she still isn’t responding.
People are animals on a fundamental level. We respond to stimuli, both positive and negative. Just because someone might resort to a negative strategy to elicit a response doesn’t automatically make the outcome negative. It could potentially save their entire relationship, or it could make both of them realize that they need to move on and find someone who’s better suited for them.
I genuinely feel that what I’m advising is significantly better than simply telling someone to break up with their partner and find somebody better. That’s truly horrible advice to give someone when you have so little information about their relationship.