Comment on Should I move out?
OwOarchist@pawb.social 6 hours ago
There’s not nearly enough information here for anyone to make a well-informed decision for you or give you any very specific advice.
What’s your education? Who do you currently live with (it sounds like you haven’t moved out to your own place yet)? What are your job prospects? How much money and other assets do you currently have? What do you want to accomplish with your life? Which country, if either, do you hold citizenship in? What’s your ethnicity? (I would ask gender, but I can already tell just from the way you write.) Are people treating you badly because of something like your sexual preferences, religion, politics, or drug/alcohol use? Could it be because you’re overweight, ugly, or smelly? (No hate, just trying to figure out why it feels to you everyone is treating you badly.) Do you have any mental or physical health issues? What do you mean when you say everyone is treating you terribly – is it possible that (perhaps due to some mental health issues/depression) you’re reading more negativity into their interactions than they actually intend? Have you talked to any of them about it? Have you asked them why they dislike you? Who is this Auntie, and how well do you know her? Do you like her? Does she like you?
I’ll do what I can with some general – and admittedly contradictory – advice.
A) If your life now sucks, you absolutely should make a change. And moving to the other side of the world could indeed be a big change that really turns your life around and makes everything much better. Don’t be afraid of change. A lot of people get stuck in terrible situations when they don’t need to be because they’re afraid of anything different. It sounds like you’ve got a golden opportunity here to make a big change in your life without the barriers most people have to deal with: it sounds like you could make the move for cheap or free, and you don’t have any romantic partner or children or even pets to worry about bringing with you. This is an opportunity a lot of people don’t get.
But on the other hand,
B) Wherever you go, you’re still you. You say that even after self-reflecting, you can’t see any reason why everyone around you would treat you so badly … but there must be some reason. If you meet one asshole in a day, they’re the asshole. If everyone you meet is an asshole, it’s probably because you’re the asshole, and they’re responding in kind. Not to disparage you too much – after all, like I said, we don’t have enough information here to know. But if people are treating you badly because something you’re doing is treating them badly, then that’s not likely to change in Canada. It may be better to focus on changing yourself, rather than changing your circumstances. (That said, if you do decide you need to change yourself, getting a new start in a new place can be an excellent opportunity to do so, without being weighed down so much with the baggage of your past. The people you meet will only know the new you, which can make it easier to be a new you. It can be difficult to change yourself when everyone around you still expects you to be your old self.)
This is sounding pretty negative, isn’t it?
Well, maybe I can offer some better, less contradictory advice:
C) Canada is often cold, particularly if you’re not living near the coast. How do you feel about being really heckin’ cold half the year? Some people don’t mind it, some can’t stand it – if you’re one of the latter, then maybe moving is a bad idea, especially if it’s to somewhere inland.
D) Whichever place you end up in, consider getting a dog. Treat the dog well, and it will love you no matter what. It sounds like you could use some unconditional love in your life. A dog might not be quite as good as getting that from other people, but it’s pretty close, and a lot more of a sure thing. It may be just the thing to get you by until you get your life figured out.
gumball2005@lemmy.world 4 hours ago
Hey yeah sorry, I wrote the message super early in the morning, i’ll try to provide more context. To answer a few of your questions i’m a black male, and i’m extremely skinny, i don’t smell bad or anything, I feel as if I have the best hygiene out of anybody I know.
Honestly I don’t have a lot of money, but I have enough for a one way ticket and thens ome. I graduated high school almost 3 years ago, and I ideally I wanted to be a comic artist of some kind, already making a book with the intention to fully publish it. I have an online following too, but it’s been on the decline as this whole situation with my ex girlfriend happened, where I had an assumption that she may have cheated on me during our relationship as she became extremely distant from me towards the end of it. then somebody told her this and she basically started a smear campaign on me, getting the information from pretty much every person i’ve met over the past 5 years to post and say insane allegations about me, some even coming to my house at night. majority of these people have only had 2 conversations with me max, and some i haven’t spoken to since i was around 15-16, none of them having any valid proof other than hearsay but I digress. None of them want to talk to me about it, they just block me and assume I don’t know what they’re saying about me despite posting it publicly.
It tanked any good will I had where I currently live and now i’m getting rejected by local artist vending events and none of the fellow artists I met want to talk to me. I had a birthday party planned with some of them and the invite list went from 40 to 9.
I’m typically always the one to leave friendship groups as I can sense when i’m no longer wanted. But as soon as I do, people turn on me immediately and harass me for seemingly no reason. I don’t know this is relevant, but all of these people saying these things about me are white, usually white women. Historically as a teenager, I was somewhat problematic but I would usually apologise for my actions and try to make amends. Nowadays I either don’t talk to people, or when I do I try to be as approachable as I can. I feel like sometimes I put on an act to try and be as funny as possible, and i’m scared that everybody secretly thought I was annoying or something.
With my living situation, my house is quite literally falling apart. I’ve lived here for around 11 years. My mum yells at me a lot, usually whenever something breaks even though I tell her it’s not my fault. She keeps saying we’re still looking for a house, but she’s been saying this for the past 5 years and it’s gotten to a point where there is literal black mold growing in the corner of my room due to internal water damage she refuses to help fix. Our toilet broke, only 2 out of the 4 sinks in our house work, there’s no ventilation and every time I alert her about something else breaking she demands I give her money even though she knows I don’t work at the moment. I only left my last job due to receiving several racist and creepy comments from my coworkers, so I relied on my art stalls but now that’s been taken away from me too.
I’ve tried my hardest to change for the better, I can be impulsive at times, but I feel like i’ve already grown alot since high school ended for me. I still do have friends, but I just don’t want to reside where I currently live. I’m also okay with the cold, I used to live in a country with a similar climate.
OwOarchist@pawb.social 4 hours ago
Damn … well, I’m definitely on ‘team move’ now, given all that, assuming your auntie can give you a place to stay.