Great news for me! I was ready to congratulate all the people I know who have committed acts of bestiality, even set aside a couple hours on my calendar for it. Didn’t need even a moment of that two hour block because I don’t know a single person who’s ever done that sort of thing.

Now I got two hours to kill and started thinking about something my uncle used to say “I’m fucking this cat, you just hold the tail.” Which was a pretty vulgar thing to say to a 10 year old but also what the fuck Uncle Mike?