I’ve only managed it accidentally.

But usually the pattern is contacting/getting contacted due to some matter that needs discussing. The source for that can be needing some pointers on using someone elses code, or providing feedback on how someone moderates, etc.

For me it’s usually come from participating more extensively. Engaging in community building such as my modding titanfall and hosting northstar servers. Starting a bunch of lemmy communities.

Then, once something gives you a reason to go a couple back and forths into an exchange, and there is mutual interest, it just keeps going. After that you can pick up with the same skillset you’d use with someone you’ve met in person.

The difference is that you’ll need to keep it going by deliberately reviving the conversation now and then. That won’t happen by running into the person face to face or some similar contexy the way it might work with a coworker or someone in your social circle.