I’ve only managed to make it work a handful of times.

There needs to be a connection to something IRL from the online community. Maybe you like the same music, hobby or even playing games (that might be online but it is a “doing” action in person).

Communities like Lemmy/Reddit are particularly bad for this since they’re predicated on anonymous sharing and not really keeping you in touch with a group of repeat contacts.

You must have enough free time to end up online and shoot the shit in a direct conversation. Maybe an online chat or voice chat or Discord or something. You can’t really make friends easily with asynchronous contact.

I saw a comment about friendship long ago and I have never been able to find it again. It said something like: to be friends you must share at least two things out of this list: stage in life, physical proximity, common interest, shared predicament (e.g. job)… There were a couple of other factors I can’t remember, but the more I think about it this seems to hold true.

Eventually the connection you make needs to be bigger than how you meet. If you meet while playing DotA, and then you stop playing DotA, is there still any glue that holds you together that would push you to keeping connected through a different medium?

I’ve tried to make efforts to make friends a few times online. People on Lemmy even express interest in a social chat group and I made one. No one ever joined. Well, one person did but lost interest in a couple of days. Good luck in your endevours. Share tips if you succeed.